Draft Helpfile: HELP GOONSQUAD

MysraiMysrai Member, Gods Posts: 94 Divine
edited February 2016 in Gaudiguch Guild Reformation
Guildmaster: The Big Mouth
Guild Administrator: The Wise Guy
Guild Champion: The Muscle
Guild Envoy: The Voice of the People

The People have their voice in Gaudiguch, and that voice, the great mob, has formed enough of a faction to have voice on the Freedom Council. Derisively termed the Goon Squad by their detractors, this group of patriotic malcontents have reclaimed the title, and style themselves the only true voice of the free citizens.

While the Squad is known for rioting, bad behavior, and being a disorganized collection of  both discontent citizens and thugs, it (perhaps surprisingly) shows a distinct organization and a distinct commitment to freedom and the ideals of revolution. The Five Sacred Flames - those of life, passion, knowledge, and even enlightenment and eternity, all find expression here. 

Nowhere is passion more obvious than the short temper of a Goon on behalf of a fellow injured Goon. While they may be prone to corrective violence inside of the ranks, aggression and interference from outside of the Squad tends to result in a strangely unified and organized band of Goons appearing on the doorstep of the offending party.

The elected leaders of the Goon Squad are surprisingly canny at their negotiations. Woe be to him that assumes a Goon is nothing more than the thug hired to collect on a debt - the Goon Squad contains expert negotiators, expert craftsmen, and revolutionary idealists whose manifestos and monologues have stirred the riots in which the politics of Gaudiguch may be remade overnight. The Goon Squad claims that to offend the Goon Squad is to offend the people of Gaudiguch - and given the evidence, this may well be correct.

Comments

  • ShaddusShaddus His Imperial Altness Outside your window.Member Posts: 7,652 Transcendent
    edited February 2016
    Holy shit those tags. Well played.


    The summation is well written too :)
    If I'm not good enough for Lusternia, then it is no longer good enough for me.
  • MysraiMysrai Member, Gods Posts: 94 Divine
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  • HallenHallen Member Posts: 79 Capable
    edited February 2016
    Oh, I was really hoping I could find the time to write a mock Goon Squad helpfile in the style of The A-Team intro.
  • MysraiMysrai Member, Gods Posts: 94 Divine
    I will totally take submissions of any and all ideas, especially if they're hilarious.
  • AlaryAlary Member Posts: 450 Expert
    edited February 2016
    Only if the Champ can be Mr. T.

    Also this is beautiful and going in the best direction.
    Mysrai, the Beckoner Beyond the Maze intones, "Continue to manifest the paradigm of working, My Alary."
    The Divine voice of Camus the Cinderfly echoes in your head, "Thank you, once-body. I am happy that I fell into that eye."
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  • ShuyinShuyin The pug life chose me. Member Posts: 1,611 Transcendent
    I want to know what people think of the vibe that the help file gives off. Is it too much pk? Not enough? No idea what they're about still? Etc.
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  • KalnidKalnid Member Posts: 395 Virtuoso
    edited February 2016
    The fact that you have any desire, any at all, to associate with Goonswarm is absolutely disgusting.

    edit:whoops did I say goonsquad there that's not what I wanted
    Post edited by Kalnid on
  • AltreaAltrea Member Posts: 193 Gifted
    Kalnid said:
    The fact that you have any desire, any at all, to associate with Goonsquad is absolutely disgusting.
    Well that's a strong and... direct wording. Would you like to expand on this, or just leave your criticism inflammatory rather than constructive?
  • ShuyinShuyin The pug life chose me. Member Posts: 1,611 Transcendent
    By all means, give specific examples of what you find disgusting. Can't really address issues if you're gonna vaguepost like that.
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  • KalnidKalnid Member Posts: 395 Virtuoso
    Since you asked, sure. Let's talk about Goonswarm. Full disclosure, I'm fairly GRR GOONS as these things go, but I expect you've figured that out by now if you're familiar with the phrase.

    Goonswarm, whose icon that is, is a player organization in and around the game EVE, culturally based off the Something Awful forums. The forums themselves are a fine enough place, of course. EVE, for the unaware, is not a nice place. It is, roughly, a simulator for what happens if MMO devs don't enforce a particular morality with any great strength.

    Goonswarm is, or at least was for quite some time, led by a man called the Mittani. The Mittani, aside from being a fantastic writer of propaganda, has also sat on EVE's player advisory committee under the handle Mittens. This is all well and good. As part of his role in this capacity, he gave a speech at an EVE meatspace gathering. Most of the speech isn't super important. What is important is the part where he encourages attendees to harass a player of the game in the hopes that they'll drive him to suicide. So that's fun. This's also important because, while the Mittani was of course condemned for this behavior /as a member of the player advisory/, it certainly wasn't shocking coming from Goonswarm as a whole.

    Anyway. Shock factor out of the way, point two is a simple quote from one of the leaders previous to our buddy Mittens. "We're not here to ruin the game, we're just here to ruin YOUR game." I think it speaks for itself pretty well.
  • MarcellaMarcella Member Posts: 1,231 Transcendent
    would it surprise anyone to learn i was a goonswarm member when i played eve
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  • MysraiMysrai Member, Gods Posts: 94 Divine
    edited February 2016
    I'm quite familiar with Goonswarm and SA in general. I have indeed paid my 10bux, though I do not play EVE. The bee is mostly joking, but appears to have touched a nerve or two.

    Regarding the Mittani: Not my circus, not my monkey. The administration holds, and continues to hold, a dim view of anyone outright advising or bullying towards suicide.
  • KalnidKalnid Member Posts: 395 Virtuoso
    Synkarin said:
    Ok - so Goonsquad doesn't really have anything to do with Goonswarm - and now it's only connection is because it happens to share the word 'Goon' in it's title. 

    Yeah - This Goonswarm sounds terrible, but from what I understand - Eve is a no mercy game. We're not going for that, in fact, Goonsquad statement is clearly saying the opposite. They want the people to not only live, but live the life they want (as long as it doesn't stop others from living the way they want). The exact opposite.

    So glad for you to think it's disgusting purely base on the similarity of 4 letters.
    May have not made the clear, my bad. My concern was with the bee, not the goons.
  • SynkarinSynkarin Nothing to see here Member Posts: 3,216 Transcendent
    Well, I take back what I said then - because now I feel foolish for not understanding

    Everiine said:
    "'Cause the fighting don't stop till I walk in."
    -Synkarin's Lament.
  • CyndarinCyndarin used Flamethrower! It was super effective. Member Posts: 4,469 Transcendent
    edited February 2016
    A bit of an overreaction to this goonswarm business. EVE might as well be known as "Dicks in Space." If you don't like it, don't play EVE.

    We are not EVE online. 

    We are, however, Miranda Priestly. CAN I BE EMILY.
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  • MysraiMysrai Member, Gods Posts: 94 Divine
    It's cleared up. This is definitely not EVE, this is definitely not Goonswarm.

    What are the thoughts on the material in the helpfile?
  • LavinyaLavinya Former Queen of Snark AustraliaMember Posts: 3,354 Transcendent
    I love it. It invokes a sense of knuckle head ruffians and silliness and yet also a deeper aspect of freedom fighting. I can't help but picture the three stooges, in that there's rooms for the brains and the brawn and the goofy. Love love it. Can't read it without grinning. Also think the names are hilariously appropriate for the leadership.



  • TarkentonTarkenton Traitor Bear Member Posts: 2,555 Transcendent
    Gonna have a tough time not joining GS, gotta say.
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  • SylandraSylandra Friend of Dog Member Posts: 4,296 Transcendent
    It sounds really fun. :O
    Fyler said:
    Sylandra has a very signature (and somewhat twisted) sense of humor
  • HallenHallen Member Posts: 79 Capable
    As a serious comment, I think it might be worthwhile to change the wording a bit to more strongly indicate that the Goon Squad is fiercely protective of all the people in Gaudiguch. That's present implicitly in a few places, chiefly in the phrase the only true voice of the free citizens but otherwise it reads a bit more to me as if the Goon Squad is mostly interested in defending the Goon Squad.
  • ShuyinShuyin The pug life chose me. Member Posts: 1,611 Transcendent
    I would tend to agree that the wording of the help file isn't as blatant that this is the PK faction as much as I'd like, but I'm not sure if anyone else prefers it that way.
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  • KaalakKaalak Member Posts: 515 Fabled
    Alary said:
    Only if the Champ can be Mr. T.

    Also this is beautiful and going in the best direction.

    That settles it. Champion artifact must be a golden mohawk.
    Celina says "Well I was only mocking out of obligation."
  • VivetVivet , of Cows and Crystals Member Posts: 2,178 Transcendent
    Kaalak said:
    Alary said:
    Only if the Champ can be Mr. T.

    Also this is beautiful and going in the best direction.

    That settles it. Champion artifact must be a golden mohawk.
    Or gold chains. That also fits, and would be a hilarious artifact object in terms of irony.
  • VladimereVladimere Member Posts: 9 Apprentice
    First thought...

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  • CyndarinCyndarin used Flamethrower! It was super effective. Member Posts: 4,469 Transcendent
    That means someone has to be Sloth.
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  • SiamSiam Whispered Voice Member Posts: 2,622 Transcendent
    This is perfect.
    Viravain, Lady of the Thorns shouts, "And You would seize Me? Fool! I am the Glomdoring! I am the Wyrd, and beneath the cloak of Night, the shadows of the Silent stir!"

    #bringShikariback 


  • ShaddusShaddus His Imperial Altness Outside your window.Member Posts: 7,652 Transcendent
    HEEEEEEEY YOU GUUUUUUUUYS!!!!
    If I'm not good enough for Lusternia, then it is no longer good enough for me.
  • TremulaTremula Banished Quasiroyal Member Posts: 2,528 Transcendent


    Out here in the Mean Streets of Gadgetzan Gaudiguch.
                          * * * WRACK AND ROLL AND DEATH AND PAIN * * *
                                         * * * LET'S FEEL THE FEAR OF DEATH AGAIN * * *
              * * * WE'LL KILL AND SLAUGHTER, EAT THE SLAIN * * *
      * * * IN RAVAGING WE'LL ENTERTAIN * * *

    Ixion tells you, "// I don't think anyone else had a clue, amazing form."
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