Purging Weakness

Tacita · April 2013

This is short, but I basically want to show you all how awesomely badass Nocht is. Because this level of sitting on the edge of my seat going 'oh my god' the whole way through this exchange should be shared.

I am now left with no clue what I have let myself in for, and it is fantastic.

<3<3 Nocht

--

You feel an icy breath brush across your cheek as a hushed voice says, "Why so despondent, little one?"

You frown and say, "I am...failing You. And I do not know how to stop."

The image above churns violently as a hollow voice whispers, "Oh? And how are you failing Me?"

Haltingly, you say, "I am allowing my emotions to control me. To - consume me. And when it was just me, it was...but now it is affecting other people, too. It is one thing to have this weakness myself. Another to let it weaken those who serve the Glomdoring better than I ever could."

The surrounding shadows convulse, grasping outwards in joyous anticipation as Nocht, the Silent suddenly materializes from the aether.

You kneel before Nocht, swearing your allegiance to Him.

Peering down at you, Nocht, the Silent whispers, "What exactly is it that you have done, Tacita?"

You say, "My daughter wishes to leave House Ysav'rai and make House d'Illici, her husband's house, into a Lesser House. She then wishes to banner to my family so that we can attain Great House. Ultimately she wishes to banner to Ysav'rai, but in the meantime - in the meantime, it means that Sid- that Synkarin will have to remarry to strengthen the Ysav'rai, lest they themselves lose Great House."

You have emoted: Tacita bites her lip and clutches her hands together on her knees.

Weakly, you say, "I am selfish, and a hypocrite. I cannot bear to see him with someone else. I - asked her not to banner to my family."

Nocht, the Silent whispers, "Tell her to do however you wish. The politics of mortal families aren't very kind from what I've observed."

You frown and say, "The Glomdoring should be better than that. It should be about the unity of our strength."

Nocht, the Silent whispers, "Unity does not require kindness, little one."

Tilting His head, Nocht, the Silent whispers, "Though what do you care of who Synkarin is bonded with?"

You have emoted: Tacita hangs her head once more, covering her face in a silky white curtain of hair.

Nocht raises an eyebrow questioningly.

You say, "I love him. I don't know what else to say. It's selfish, and it's hypocritical, but I - I love him. I can't - it hurts."

You have emoted: Tacita Shee-Slaugh, His Twilit Auspex raises her head and looks up at Nocht through watery eyes.

You say, "I - I want to stop. I want to stop it hurting. I want to stop being so weak."

Nocht ponders the situation.

Nocht, the Silent whispers, "Do you really wish for that?"

Raising an eyebrow, Nocht, the Silent whispers, "No matter the cost?"

You have emoted: Tacita swallows audibly and glances down at the skybloom clutched in her hand.

Inhaling deeply before looking up again, you state, "I want to stop disappointing You. I want to be everything You say I can be. I still believe that emotions are what make mortals navigate the world, and I can never give them up entirely. But I saw scaryfa- I saw my father chill his heart, but still feel love. Tempered and cool and stronger for it. I want to be as calm, as sure as he was. I do not want to be afraid anymore. I know it's possible. But I do not know how. I need - I need Your help."

You whisper, "I'm so small. So small next to them, both of them - they've ascended, and I'm - so small. Smaller still next to You. I don't know how to be anything but small."

Nocht, the Silent whispers, "Ah, little one..."

Tilting your chin up with His icy fingers, Nocht, the Silent whispers, "Perhaps there is something to be done, but I will not encourage this silly concept of romantic love..."

You shiver violently.

Nocht, the Silent whispers, "I will help you, My dear Tacita. Even if you have to be broken and rebuilt."

The ghost of a smile passes fleetingly across Nocht's lips.

Nocht, the Silent whispers, "Be well for now."

The surrounding shadows wane, falling back in despondent melancholy as the form of Nocht, the Silent dissolves into wisps of shadow.

You have emoted: Tacita stares longingly into the distance, barely noticing the tears rolling down her cheeks.

Zyphora · April 2013

Ohoho, new godcrush.

Very cool exchange!

Please keep us updated!

Tacita · April 2013

Because Zyphora will pout at me if I don't post it, and because it's fun to ruin Sidd's reputation.

--

You frown and say, "Just before you came in, father pointed out to me that Ankastra had already left the family."

Synkarin nods his head emphatically.

Synkarin says, "She's joined d'Illici."

Synkarin says, "Along with Aslen and Chade."

You say, "When you spoke to me earlier, I went to her and - was not very - I may have shouted at her a little."

Synkarin says, "Why would you shout?"

Synkarin says, "She did it to help your family out, the same reason you left me."

Biting her lip, you say, "Because I am selfish. And because I did not want her to hurt you."

Synkarin says, "So you're the only one allowed to hurt me?"

You have emoted: Tacita inhales to steady herself and pinches the bridge of her nose.

You say, "I told her that I could not stop her from forging her own house if she wanted. More families will only strengthen the Glomdoring. But I asked her not to banner to the Shee-Slaugh, and instead to banner to Ysav'rai."

Synkarin says, "She's my daughter, I only want two things for her, to serve the Wyrd, and to be happy."

Synkarin says, "She already offered to banner to us after helping you achieve Great House."

Synkarin says, "Or if Shee-Slaugh turned them down."

You say, "I know. Which is why her bannering to us at all - it's a false benefit. We will still have to attain the three people that d'Illici would give us."

You give a pained sigh.

Synkarin says, "But you could start accruing honour sooner."

You say, "This - none of this - is why I told her not to. It's my excuse."

Synkarin says, "Excuse for what?"

You have emoted: Tacita stares blankly into the distance for a moment, before running one hand over her shroud.

Softly, you say, "I asked her not to banner to the Shee-Slaugh because I thought if she bannered them to the Ysav'rai...that you wouldn't marry someone else." Pausing, she brushes stray hairs out of her eyes. "And you don't need to tell me that I'm a hypocrite, I'm well aware of it."

Synkarin says, "I'd only marry someone else to preserve my family's status."

Bitterly, you say, "And I only married Xenthos because he didn't ask me to vow to be faithful to him, but that doesn't make you feel any the better, does it?"

Synkarin says, "You don't have to worry about me falling on love with someone else, I've moved past such follies."

Synkarin says, "It doesn't really matter much to me."

You have emoted: Tacita's eyes twitch at the corners in a wince that she just about manages to cover.

Synkarin says, "Falling in love already detracted from my service to Glomdoring once, I won't let it happen again."

You ponder Synkarin thoughtfully, looking him up and down.

Blankly, you whisper, "You don't love me anymore."

Looking away, Synkarin says, "I can't afford to."

You say, "I asked the Silent Lord to help me learn to - temper my emotions. I asked Him to help me stop hurting. He says He will break me, and make me anew." Pausing, she murmurs, "Maybe then it will be easier for you."

Synkarin pauses for a second, a slight frown upon his face.

Synkarin says, "How can we claim we're commited fully to the Wyrd if we commit ourselves to others as well."

You lightly and tenderly stroke Synkarin's cheek.

You murmur, "Because together we are stronger. The Wyrd is amalgam. To commit yourself to its Glory is to be one with everyone. What weakness, then, in unity?"

You have emoted: Tacita laughs bitterly. "Only the fractures we create," she says wryly, answering her own question, "When we break those bonds."

Synkarin says, "Well, then maybe I can't do both."

Synkarin says, "That is my weakness."

The ghost of a smile passes fleetingly across your lips.

You state, "You are not weak. You have never been weak."

Synkarin says, "I almost left."

Synkarin says, "I almost forsake everything."

You say, "But you did not. And from that, you became stronger."

Synkarin says, "Yes, by casting aside things like love."

Smiling wistfully, you say, "You have always been better than me."

Synkarin says, "I'd disagree with that."

You say, "Perhaps. You are certainly stronger than me now. But He will help me. I will learn."

Synkarin says, "I have complete faith that you will."

You brush your fingertips gently across Synkarin's cheek, gazing softly into his eyes.

You murmur, "Remember. Remember for me, when I forget, when He takes it away. Remember that I love you."

Synkarin creases his brow in a frown.

Blinking away tears, you say, "And for you - for you, I'll forget."

You lean into Synkarin and kiss him long and tenderly.

Synkarin says, "... you can't do this to me."

Clutching desperately at you, you whisper, "It will make us stronger. It has to."

Synkarin says, "We will continue to grow stronger."

Synkarin says, "But we have to cast aside anything that takes away our focus."

You assert, "Yes. Yes. He will help make me strong again. I know He will. Even if I forget everything."

You lay your head gently on Synkarin's shoulder, entwining his fingers with yours.

Synkarin smiles softly at you.

Synkarin says, "And then we will continue to lead the Wyrd to further greatness."

You whisper, "You don't have to love me. Just remember that I love you. Please. It's the only way I can let it go."

Synkarin says, "I'll remember, I promise."

You have emoted: Tacita glances at the exit and inhales deeply, steadying herself.

Synkarin says, "Everything for the Wyrd."

Synkarin squeezes your hand.

You have emoted: Tacita closes her eyes for a moment, and when she opens them the glimmering depth of emotion has disappeared. She smiles, blankly.

You state, "Nothing matters but Glomdoring."

Synkarin whispers, "Glory be to the Glomdoring."

Irillia · April 2013

Both logs were a wonderful read. Thank you for posting them! You are an amazing writer and roleplayer.

Though I have to say, if I were Sidd in that second log I would've been like, "NOOOO TACITA I LOVE YOU TOO I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU." So, kudos to Sidd too for good stoic roleplaying.

Maellio · April 2013

More and more I want to know how this plays out for Shee-Slaugh, it's like being addicted to a soap o.=.O

Ankastra · April 2013

Just saw this now, I think Ankastra would've blown a fuse and torched the nexus! :O

Cyndarin · April 2013

I didn't see this either!

Now offering Heartless lessons for a low, low price.

Tacita · June 2013

SO. In the wake of Gabriella posting logs it reminded me that I have a whooole bundle of logs for this plotline that need posting. I can't post some of it, or will have to redact things because they are Super Secret and Reasons, etc. But here, to begin with, is the last part of the previous chapter (i.e., that which occurred before I was away for a month or so).

It occurs just after the previous log.

--

You have emoted: Tacita paces back and forth, looking uncertain. She attempts several times to begin speaking, but fails.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist purses his lips, before moving closer to you, wrapping his arms around you.

You frown and say, "I have...you are going to be disappointed in me. I am sorry."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "What happened?"

Looking away, you say, "When Ankastra took her family from the Ysav'rai, Si-Synkarin told me that if she left he would have to get married again. I didn't take terribly well to it. I asked her not to do it, but - she did it anyway."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist tilts his head, his arms still around you as he waits, not rushing you.

You say, "I didn't know what to do. So I went - I went to Him."

You gently reach over and take both of Xenthos's hands in your own.

You whisper, "I asked Him to help me. I asked Him to help me...become what He wants. So that I could stop being so selfish. So that I could stop hurting people."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist's arms tighten around you for a fraction of a second, before relaxing once more. He takes a deep breath. "My love... if this is what you truly want, I have promised not to fight you on it. I refuse to push you to choose between us. But, I would ask that you ensure it is what you really wish. Life is not worth much without a little pain."

You lightly and tenderly stroke Xenthos's cheek.

You say, "Sidd doesn't love me anymore. Or - he's trying not to. He says he can't serve the Wyrd properly if he's torn in two. And I...I have been there, pushing and desperately trying to get him to come back to me. I have been making it worse. He needs me not to."

You have emoted: Tacita bites her lip and glances down so that her hair falls into her face like a snowy curtain.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "And the only way to stop... is to sever all emotion entirely?"

Shaking her head, you say, "Not entriely. I could never do it entirely. You told me that. Uncle Maellio told me that. Everyone's telling me that. But I - I need to learn to be better."

Nodding as he rests his chin on your shoulder, drawing you closer to himself, Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "What can I do?"

You have emoted: Tacita wraps her arms around your waist and closes her eyes. "I said goodbye to him," she whispers. "I kissed him, and asked him to remember that I love him, because soon I'll forget. And I will never, ever get to be in his arms again. When our Lord is done with me, I will never want to."

Blinking, you say, "And then...and then it was like a weight was gone. We were fine again. It was like before. It didn't hurt."

You have emoted: Tacita raises her eyes, gazing widely. "It still doesn't hurt. It feels strange, like something's missing. But it doesn't hurt."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says nothing, his features buried in your hair. His hands gather up yours, fingers twining with your own.

In a soft but urgent voice, you say, "I want to be stronger. For him, and for you, and for Glomdoring. I want to. Even though it will change me. Whatever it costs. But I don't...I don't want to forget it entirely. I still believe my emotions make me strong. I always will. I want to find a balance. Between what He wants, and what I am."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says to you, "I am yours, my love. Whatever you wish to become, as long as you will have me, I will be here for you."

You gaze longingly into Xenthos's eyes before slowly leaning forward and kissing him deeply.

You whisper, "I kept you here once before, when you were dragged away. Keep me here, now - please. Make sure I don't go entirely. No one else can."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist nods, with assurance. "I will, my love."

Xenthos gives a twilight blue rose to you.

You take a twilight blue rose close to you and, closing your eyes, inhale deeply to absorb its scent.

With a soft smile, Xenthos gives a midnight black rose to you.

You have emoted: Tacita opens her eyes, a small smile spreading across her face.

Kio · June 2013

Man. It's rough seeing the emotive side of Xenthos.

Tacita · June 2013

We take, at this point, a small hiatus. Our heroine retires to slumber for a while, having safely given away the two halves of her heart - and turns her attention away from emotion, towards her soul. When she returns she is much less like herself; seemingly devoid of the rapidly changing passions she had previously. And things have changed in Glomdoring, and the Order...

--

You flutter your wings rapidly and lift off the ground, stopping to hover before the master shrine of Nocht.

The air subtly shifts as something moves through the grass behind you.

You purse your lips pensively, gazing off into the distance as you carefully gather your thoughts.

You have emoted: Tacita shakes her head at herself and turns back to the shrine, gazing at it thoughtfully.

An icy hand clamps on your shoulder suddenly as a voice whispers in your ear, "So lost in thought, My little one?"

You have emoted: Tacita's lips curve into a smile even as she suppresses a shiver. Lifting her head slightly, she murmurs, "There is a great deal to think about, as ever. Though I do not think I am so lost as I once was."

A cold wind picks up around you as the unseen presence seems to shift through the air, "And what has brought about this change?"

As a soft chuckle escapes her lips, you say, "Why, You, of course. Or should I say Your advice." Reaching up to tuck a curl behind her ear, she muses, "Though I do not think I was ready to take it, before. Now...now I see how much simpler things can be. How much greater. It is peaceful. I do not think I expected it to be peaceful."

Nocht, the Silent whispers, "What a change from when last we spoke."

You have emoted: Tacita's expression wavers slightly and she glances aside. "I did promise You I would try," she whispers. "It has been...hard. But I think - I think I am making progress."

Tilting His head with a blank expression on His face, Nocht, the Silent whispers, "You are the last of My Sages left, little one. The others lost to time or betrayal."

You have emoted: Silent Sage Tacita An'Ryshe turns to face Nocht with a beat of her wings and dips her head in a small nod.

You murmur, "They are but parts of Your Amalgam, my Lord. Though Synkarin's betrayal was great, even he is replaceable. We all are."

Shadows twisting lazily around His form, Nocht, the Silent whispers, "Perhaps it is time for [Secret Redacted Order Plans]."

Nocht, the Silent initiates you into the mysteries of the Fal Emint of the Divine Order of Nocht, the Silent.

You kneel before Nocht, swearing your allegiance to Him.

Nocht, the Silent whispers, "I have many plans for you, little one... Without Synkarin, I have lost My only cult."

Nocht, the Silent whispers, "But that is for another time. There are other matters I wish to attend to. You will hear from Me before long, My little one."

The surrounding shadows wane, falling back in despondent melancholy as the form of Nocht, the Silent dissolves into wisps of shadow.

You whisper, "All else that has lingered within my heart, I have forsaken for the strength You have gifted my soul. I am Yours to do with as You will."

Tacita · June 2013

And finally, a small snippet of a not-quite-as-drunken-as-usual conversation with her brother on the topic, where it is a little more explained.

--

Forge-born Morkarion Shee-Slaugh, Master of the Bloodhunt says to you, "Before [Synkarin] betrayed us.."

Forge-born Morkarion Shee-Slaugh, Master of the Bloodhunt says, "You and he, you were married for some time, did your heart cease to love him when you were betrothed to the Oathkeeper?"

Forge-born Morkarion Shee-Slaugh, Master of the Bloodhunt says, "Did you forget the feelings of others you cared for, for the sake of your vows?"

You have emoted: Tacita's eyes flash briefly with some emotion too fleeting to comprehend.

Forge-born Morkarion Shee-Slaugh, Master of the Bloodhunt says, "I'm sorry I do not mean to sound accusing, I.. wording things isn't my strong point."

Softly, you say, "To you first question - no. To your second - our marriage was an arranged one. It did not contain vows."

You say, "Love is a mortal construct that I have no need for any longer."

Forge-born Morkarion Shee-Slaugh, Master of the Bloodhunt flinches, as though taken aback somewhat by the responce.

Forge-born Morkarion Shee-Slaugh, Master of the Bloodhunt says, "Since when were you so open to the concept of emotional detatchment?"

You have emoted: Tacita makes no reply save to uncurl her palm in front of her, a thin dancing lick of shadowflame coming to life there. After a moment gazing into it, she adds, "Emotions are a mortal construct. The presence of them in conjunction with great power is dangerous. Those of us who possess great power must shed them for the safety of all, and for the glory of the Glomdoring."

Forge-born Morkarion Shee-Slaugh, Master of the Bloodhunt says to you, "And when did you come to this conclusion? Last we spoke you were a mixture of emotion..."

Closing her hand to snuff out the flame, you say, "I did tell you that my time away had a purpose. Before I departed, I made arrangements to begin the process of siphoning off my emotions, so that over time I would lose mortal dependance upon them."

Simply, you state, "It was my Lord's wish. I was foolish not to concede to it earlier - and yet, all the same, I do not think I was ready to before. I am sure He knew this, and was patient."

Morkarion nods his head emphatically.

Forge-born Morkarion Shee-Slaugh, Master of the Bloodhunt says, "I see... I think."

You say, "I have scribed some of this unto a scroll that I will publish in the library soon. Perhaps that will make it clearer."

Forge-born Morkarion Shee-Slaugh, Master of the Bloodhunt says, "I mean, I see what you try to accomplish, but I cannot agree with the means you approach them."

You have emoted: Tacita inclines her head in acceptance.

Tacita · June 2013

Time to ruin some reputations again. Also, Sidd's timing is a tiny bit creepy. And he is also so very awesome even if he is a filthy traitor <3333

---

As the sun descends below the horizon, its final stray beams of light refract over the clouds and streak the sky in brilliant shades of pink.

As twilight descends, the deep, resonant chime of a magnificent bell reverberates through the mountains.

You murmur, "What excellent timing."

You lay your head gently on Xenthos's shoulder, entwining his fingers with yours.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist smiles softly at you, his fingers slipping between your own as he holds your hand tightly. He turns his gaze to look out across the Basin.

Looking out over the basin, head tilted, you say, "It looks different, but the same all at once. As if only a part of my vision is distinct."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist blinks a couple of times, his gaze shifting to you with a lack of comprehension evident on his features. After a moment he gathers you in his arms, resting his chin on your shoulder, though he says nothing.

You have emoted: Silent Sage Tacita An'Ryshe remains still for several moments, almost frostily - before slowly moving her arms to wrap around Xenthos. A very small frown flickers across her brow, and she sighs slightly.

You murmur, "I am still myself. Only more. It is...I am not used to it, yet. Sometimes - sometimes I feel like I want to act in two ways at once."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "In two ways? Completely different paths?"

You have emoted: Tacita shakes her head slightly, pale hair fluttering.

You frown and say, "Not completely different. Just little things. The sense that I have two thoughts, two compulsions."

Struggling with the concept, Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "Oh. Like, when I wanted to take you in my arms, or run away?"

You murmur, "Warmth is distant."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist tightens his arms around you, holding you closer as if attempting to share warmth.

With a loud yet playful whistle, a mechanical dirigible comes puttering in on currents of air, its metallic claw grasping an elegant white letter, which it quickly deposits in your hands.

A benchmark in gnomish engineering and flight, this lighter-than-air craft bobs up and down on the slightest draft and breeze, yet manages to maintain its general position irrelevant of the strength of the air's pull or push. Gaudily painted in a variety of colours, the bulk of the dirigible is a large, elongated balloon, just over two feet in length. Ridges line the painfully bright skin of the craft, undoubtedly from the support system within. Attached to the base of the blimp is a small cargo unit, the few windows at its fore allowing glimpses of a variety of gears and cogs turning cheerfully within. The unit itself has several valves on it, occasionally emitting whistling steam as it maintains altitude. As if to ensure none could doubt a gnome devised such a thing, a multi-jointed metal arm hangs from the bottom of the dirigible, the end of which is fitted with a metallic claw, designed in mimicry of a mortal's hand for grasping purposes. The arm occasionally whirs to life, extending all the way down before folding back up, as if stretching its metallic joints.

A mechanical dirigible looks weak and feeble.

He is strangely weightless.

He is loyal to Synkarin.

You cannot see what a mechanical dirigible is holding.

You have emoted: Tacita opens her mouth as if to reply, but upon recognising the dirigible stands totally still as if paralysed.

You read what is written on an elegant white letter:

I won't ever forget.

I just want you to know,

because you may be the only one to understand,

that when all is said and done,

I'm still serving the Wyrd, the best I can

Dreams are strange things

even stranger when Mother Night speaks

and tough decisions need to be made,

by those not weak

For a plant to grow

the dead branches must be shed

to allow the new to extend

and reach further ahead

Adversity breeds strength

and a true servant does what he must

no matter how much it may hurt

one does it without a fuss.

You have emoted: Tacita's arm shakes slightly as she unfolds the letter, staring blankly at it for several long moments.

Tears fill your eyes and begin to slowly run down your face.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist blinks, a frown spreading across his features.

You have emoted: Tacita blinks and starts suddenly, as if awakening abruptly. She clutches her free hand to her face, catching the streams of tears there, and begins shaking her head frantically. Stumbling backwards, she holds the letter out in front of her and protests, "No - no, I can't. Not - glorious. I promised. I promised Hi- I can't. He mustn't see." Her eyes dart about, as if looking for something. "Get rid of it, keep it safe, keep it safe."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist continues to frown, then he holds out a hand for the letter.

Crumpling the letter in her hand and clutching it to her chest, you exclaim, "Always watching! Can't be broken, have to be glorious. I should never have - should never - weak, so weak. But I promised, I promised the weakness was gone!"

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist continues to frown, his hand dropping back as he holds you tightly, saying nothing as he just clutches you tightly to himself.

Voice cracking, you whisper, "I had to say something. Couldn't leave it. Couldn't not. I shouldn't have. But it's safe - it's safe. I know he'll keep it safe, and you - you the other half. That part of me is whole somewhere - and I, I am free, free to be glory, glory, all things in shadow."

You have emoted: Silent Sage Tacita An'Ryshe reaches up suddenly and places a finger over Xenthos's lips, her eyes wide with fear.

Desperately, you hiss, "Hush, little one. He is always watching. Keep it safe. I have promised and I cannot take it back. Keep it safe."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says to you, "It is safe."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says to you, "I, too, have promised- to be here for you, to support you utterly. Remember that."

You have emoted: Tacita's eyes flash with love for the briefest of moments, wide with thousands of words unspoken. She looks away as suddenly as the emotion appeared, jerking as if burned, and shoves the crumpled letter into her satchel. When Tacita raises her eyes again, they have returned to their now usual frosty gaze.

Exhaling softly, you say, "I must continue preparing myself for Him. Would you like to come hunting?"

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says to you, "I would love to hunt with you. Always."

Xenthos's eyes glow golden as he reaches out and places a palm over your heart, forming an Aegis bond that joins your twin lifeforce together.

Kio · June 2013

I'm so freaking jealous of you guys. You're both so damn awesome.

Zouviqil · June 2013

$^!%&$@^$@ so awesome reading this.

Svorai · June 2013

Tacita said:

All the things

so so so so much

Siam · June 2013

This was a good read, Taci. Also, the halved heart thing reminded me of LOTR. Frodo said the following to Sam when the Ring-bearers left Middle Earth:

"You cannot always be torn in two, Sam..."

So, who is Frodo, who is Sam, and who is Rosie? JK!

Synkarin · June 2013

ah man, I keep getting busted

Xenthos · June 2013

We're in the same boat there. I am running out of reputation at this point.

Shaddus · June 2013

Oh, man. The aegis at the end sealed this up perfectly.

Tacita · June 2013

Shaddus said:

Oh, man. The aegis at the end sealed this up perfectly.

I know, right? That's why I left it in

I adore the aegis message.

There was also an ambient just after Taci said 'Warmth is distant' where a really cold breeze blew in that I forgot to include.

Tacita · September 2013

In which it is not really clear who Tacita is talking about, those who are ever present are missed, and there is much fretting. Oh, and ruining Xen's reputation some more.

--

You chew on your lip thoughtfully.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist tilts his head, his eyes drifting over to you curiously.

Moving her lips as if to start the sentence several times over, you say, "Our brother is...angry wtih me."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "Morkarion?"

You have emoted: Tacita nods her head.

Xenthos creases his brow in a frown.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "Why?"

You look thoughtful and say, "He seems to be under the impression that I have wronged many of you in some manner."

After a moment, you say, "Well, in a particular manner. It is not as if I do not know what I am supposed to have done."

Xenthos ponders the situation.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "What are you supposed to have done, then?"

Cooly, you say, "I did not communicate to him another person's private decision process, to which I was made privy. Apparently, since I did not mention this to either of you, this makes me quite the most untrustworthy person."

You have emoted: Tacita chuckles softly and shakes her head. "That is not the problem, not really. He will think what he thinks."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "Is this in regards to Kio?"

Distractedly, you say, "It is...but it is not. Not really. Not with what he went on to say."

You crease your brow in a frown.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "Well. I will just say that in regards to that: Kio's decisions are his own, and his failings are his own. As these failings always are."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "I do not expect you to speak for him, nor should Morkarion."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist looks skeptical and says, "What else did he go on to say after that?"

After a moment, you say, "During his interrogation, our brother...decided to make a point, I suppose. He said that the loyalty of me and of my kin -" She pauses, grimaces, and looks away again. "He said it had been proved when S- when the traitor betrayed us."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist frowns, his brow furrowing as he tightens his grip on your hands. "But isn't he part of your kin? As am I."

You murmur, "No, my - those who follow my Lord." She forces the words out in a mixture of halting breaths and garbled rushes. "Especially those of us who take His mortal form, or at least, that is what I suppose he meant, since how else would my loyalty be measured by the t- the traitor's?"

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist blinks, frowning, shifting his gaze from you momentarily to look out over the Basin of Life.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says to you, "Much as I said earlier - I feel that such failings reside upon the one who broke, and do not tarnish others. The only time it does is when it becomes part of an organization's culture, and I do not think that such is what He teaches or encourages."

Sighing softly, you say, "I'm sorry. It is getting difficult to hold things in again. Too much is happening, and He has retreated from us to prepare, and without that it is harder to keep them out of me where they have to be, have to be out, and what will I do if something happens to Hi-" She breaks off, exhaling sharply. "No, no. It is going to be alright. He promised and He knows, He knows what I'll do to make sure it isn't. But it's been so long, and He hasn't, and I -."

You have emoted: Tacita's face cracks, the placid mask giving way to a flash of despair that she ducks her head to conceal, her shoulders shaking.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist turns his attention back to you, concern suffusing his face as he releases your hands, drawing you close into his embrace, head to his chest. "My love..." he murmurs softly.

You have emoted: Tacita wraps her arms around your neck and clings for support, spluttering half-formed words as she sobs. "I can't - not allowed - but I can't not, not about him and you and - He must know, know that I haven't really - I'm not - not - not a traitor, I'm not, I - can't -"

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "Tacita, look at me."

You have emoted: Tacita struggles to inhale long enough to lift her head, stray white hairs sticking to the tears running from her wide eyes.

Looking down at you, his eyes fixed to yours as he says quietly but with conviction, Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "You are not a traitor."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist tilts his head down to brush his lips against your forehead, gathering you back against his chest.

You have emoted: Tacita stares blankly at your lips, still trembling, as if trying to comprehend the words by looking at them. She traces her fingertips shakily across your cheek to rest at the corner of your mouth, and blinks slowly.

Croakily, you whisper, "You weren't there. When they were saying I was, you weren't there. You were trapped, both of you, and I knew I shouldn't care about him because of what he did but I still - and it's happening all over again, someone who holds my heart has hurt Him again, and sometimes I wonder why all these things happen around -me- and I hear them calling me a traitor again."

Quietly, but still with conviction, Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says to you, "Even when I... we... were trapped... I knew that you were out there. That you would not give up, that you would fight for what you believed was best. Regardless of what others say in the heat of passion, with no buffer or distance from the emotions that are driving them, you are not a traitor."

You have emoted: Tacita bites down on her bottom lip so tightly that the skin turns white. "I miss him," she whispers after a long moment, an almost sheepish shame creeping into her expression.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says to you, "I knew that when I married you. I do not love you any less. Missing someone who has betrayed everything does not make you a traitor. Having feelings for them... also does not. It is the decisions you make that matter."

With a weak chuckle, you murmur, "I have not always been proud of my decisions, even when they have been right."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says to you, "That is what matters - making the right decision. Even if sometimes it is a hard one, and you might wish you could have made another.

You have emoted: Tacita's shakes begin to subside, leaning against you less for support and more for comfort as a little strength begins to return to her limbs. She wipes at the tearstains on her cheeks and brushes her hair back out of her eyes before looking back up.

Softly, you say, "I don't think that I can keep this up forever. I want to, but I keep - every time something happens to the things I care about, it all tumbles down again. I don't know...what to do. How to be better."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says to you, "Perhaps it is simply that walling it away will not work for you."

Xenthos creases his brow in a frown.

You brush your fingertips gently across Xenthos's cheek, gazing softly into his eyes.

[I have included the following, which happened here, for amusement purposes. We chose to ignore it during the scene:

Charming Carouser Synkarin shouts, "Whose the dwarf that we all love and adore! He comes spreading merriment and presents galore! He's fat and he's jolly, and he smells kind of funny! He's Ironbeard, the only one to give us his money!"]

You murmur, "You still don't want me to, not really. Of course you don't."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says to you, "That is simply... a statement, based on your observation that it comes tumbling down again each time. You are right. I do not wish you to, but I have promised to be here for you to help you as you need it. And that has not changed."

Almost inaudibly, you whisper, "Nothing that is hidden, no matter how deep, can ever be untrue." She brushes her lips against yours, and tears prick at the corners of her eyes again. "I still love you. I can never stop."

Xenthos reaches out to tenderly cup your cheek in his hand.

You lean into Xenthos and kiss him long and tenderly.

Smiling weakly, you murmur, "Maybe if I let it out now and then, it will be easier to keep it away."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist nods at you, tightening his arms around you.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "Perhaps it will."

You close your eyes and inhale deeply, absorbing the scent of your surroundings.

You have emoted: Tacita opens her eyes again to reveal her now usual placid demeanour, which breaks only slightly as she smiles reassuringly in an expression that does not suffuse her pale gaze.

Tacita · September 2013

Oh, and this should have gone before that log, a little bit of context in the form of an impromptu monologue given to Xenthos.

--

Catching the trails of blood in her fingertips, you say, "Kio asked me where my shadowfire came from." A soft chuckle escapes her lips. "I told him that it came from here." She holds her bloodied hand aloft, and after a moment the crimson tendrils shift and change, rising up into licks of purple-and-black flame. "My soul may be His, but it is through my flesh that I exert His Will - and thus, surely, His will cannot help but be bound by the constraints of me, of my self, both mortal and not." Her lips curve into her first genuine smile for a long time, the expression reaching her eyes so that they sparkle brilliantly. "And I am nothing if I am not my blood, and my blood is yours, shadowfire and glory, and - and I should have told you. I should have told you that so long ago."

Chuckling softly at herself, you whisper, "I have not trusted Him as I should have done. I have not listened to my own words. I am mortal still, no matter how far above that I seek to rise - and to think that I will ever do so may be folly. He sees all, knows all, and has chosen me for this despite it." She brushes her thumb across your cheek. "I cannot love you as I did. That, and all feeling so deep and dangerous, I had to cast aside. But your blood is my blood. All that I do is tied to you, to your glory. I am greater because of this. My flesh is stronger to exert His Will because of this. Yours is the flame that I burn to, the form that I take to bring glory to the world."

Sighing contently, you say, "I am sorry - that it took me so long to realise this. I am sorry that I ever pulled away from either of you. It will not happen again."

Rialorm · September 2013

Since I lack words to express my feelings on the awesome of these logs, please accept the following emoticon instead: <33333333

Karlach · September 2013

*Twists the knife*

I do love reading your logs, inspires me that I should do more sitting down and just talking with people.

Tacita · October 2013

I'm still grinning from how much awesome fun the following log was to play out. I'd been wanting to do this scene for a while and argh, so good!

On a related note - I miss Xynthin ;_;

--

You have emoted: Tacita's eyes glow in reflection as she cradles her hands before her face, lighting them up with a single heliotrope flame, palms curled around it like a lantern.

Thul peers at you unscrupulously.

You have emoted: Tacita opens her hands and blows gently on the flame, which waxes in response. Transferring it carefully to one hand, the bulb of the flame resting just above the centre of her palm, the corners of her mouth twitch into a small smile as she holds it out before her.

You murmur, "Oh, don't mind me. I'm just playing."

Flatly, Thul d'Illici says, "With fire."

Flatly, Thul d'Illici says, "In the forest."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "If controlled, it's hardly dangerous- there are shaman ceremonial fires all over the place at times."

Kio ponders the situation.

You have emoted: Tacita chuckles softly, and holds her palm out under one of the lowest hanging branches of the great ravenwood. The flame wraps around the foliage, which springs suddenly to verdant life.

Xenthos points accusingly at a ceremonial fire.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "Such as, say, that one."

Kio grunts noncommitally.

With amusement, you say, "Not to mention, of course, that this is not just any fire."

Thul d'Illici says, "...oh. Well, you didn't tell me it was cheating-fire."

Kethaera, Insinuation of the Wyrd says, "Cheating-fire?"

You have emoted: Tacita pulls her hand away from the branch, which ceases its rampant growth, and arches her fingers in towards her palm. The flame dims slightly, dancing only a few inches high.

Thul d'Illici says to Xenthos, "Yeah, my love keeps telling me that those ones are safe too, but I have a hard time believing that one."

Kio grunts noncomitally at Thul.

Thul d'Illici nudges Kio lightly with an elbow.

Wincing still, Kio d'Illici of the Murder says to Thul, "I dun told ya. Sanctified, mystical, yadda yadda."

You have emoted: Tacita draws the flame close to her chest, seemingly becoming entirely distracted by gazing into its violet form, which dances delightfully in response.

Kethaera flaps her wings quickly and begins to hover in the air.

You purse your lips pensively, gazing off into the distance as you carefully gather your thoughts.

You say, "We'll be back."

[Walking spam.]

In the heart of the mountain.

The shadowy outline of a twisted forest casts a dark gloom here. A sigil in the shape of a small, rectangular monolith is on the ground. A leopard lurks in the shadows, curiously watching anything that moves.

You see a single exit leading up.

You pace back and forth nervously, occasionally glancing at Xenthos.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist blinks, tilting his head to regard you curiously.

Hesitating slightly, you ask, "You trust me, yes?"

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "Yes, I do."

You say, "I...I want you to try something for me."

Xenthos tilts his head and listens intently to you.

You have emoted: Tacita ceases her pacing and stills next to you. After another moment's hesitation, she holds her right palm out, the now tiny shadowflame still cradled within it. "I want..." she begins, flicking her eyes up to meet yours. "I want you to try and - take it. Hold it."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist tilts his head to regard you, before reaching his hand out to grasp the shadowfire from you. The flame curls around his hands, forming into a glove of flame that shivers almost joyously, before it melts into his skin - merging with the shifting shadows beneath.

You have emoted: Tacita blinks widely, staring entranced at the spot where the flames dissipated. She reaches out and runs the tips of her fingers over the skin. "Oh," she sighs gently. "That's...oh."

You murmur, "Does it...what does it feel like?"

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist looks skeptical and says, "It feels like... nothing? As if I was touching my own hand?"

You ponder the situation.

Xenthos creases his brow in a frown.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "I do not really know how to describe it, I suppose."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "As those two are somewhat contradictory, but both true at the same time nonetheless."

You have emoted: Tacita lets her eyes flutter closed for a moment in concentration. With the added focus, she exhales, and dozens of tiny licks of shadowflame leap to life on her left hand. It begins to glow fiercely, and the air around her chills in response, as her hand becomes so concealed by the heliotrope fire that it appears to be made of it. Her eyes flicker open again.

Taking short, laboured breaths, you say, "I don't know what this is going to do."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist nods once, stepping closer to you. "I do trust you, my love," he murmurs.

You gaze deep into the soul of Xenthos, your heart in your eyes.

You have emoted: Tacita reaches out and holds her burning hand just in front of your chest. The placid mask falls away from her face, and she gazes in abject rapture as she extends her arm the rest of the way, placing her hand against your heart with a frozen touch.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist gazes into your eyes as the flame spreads outward from your hand, slowly spreading across the chestplate of his armour. The spread of the flame begins to gain momentum, arching around to his back - then rushing with a hungry desperation to envelop his limbs. His wings spread wide behind him as they, too, become consumed by the shadowfire. He looks at you, the red globes of his eyes flickering and then vanishing, replaced by naught but flame. The fire, having nothing further to cover on his body, begins to lick its way back up your arm instead.

Beautiful wings of ice spring up from Xenthos's shoulder blades, expanding wider than any mortal's could, elegant yet cold. Crackling with the motion, they begin to fall apart, dissipating into the air as mist.

You have emoted: Tacita inhales sharply and sways on the spot, placing her right hand onto your chest to steady herself. As soon as she does so, the fire engulfs that limb too, and begins to clamber up towards her body. Her eyes widen into wide pools of pale roses, and she trembles, clearly struggling to focus on the sheer volume of flame now at her command. The violet flame coils around her throat, and her chest heaves with short, desperate breaths - but as it reaches to consume her form completely, her white hair becoming an icy halo of flame, she begins to calm.

Blinking tiny droplets of fiery tears that roll down her cheeks, you whisper, "Oh Gods..."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist leans forward to kiss you, the flames limning his lips merging and twining with the flames engulfing you.

You have emoted: Tacita lets out a whimper and coils her arms around your neck, careful not to lose contact for even a second. Returning the kiss with a sudden and fierce desperation, she seems at first entirely unaware of the waxing of the flames that grow so large they consume the entirety of the cavern, so recklessly and intensely focused on pouring a decade of supressed emotion into the kiss as she is. Only when the room becomes unbearably cold does she stop, breathless and wide-eyed, finally noticing the scope of the flames around you.

Voice thick with emotion, you say, "I - I don't think I can control this for much longer."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist murmurs, "I love you"- and at his words, the flame filling the cavern roils with emotion.

You shiver violently.

You whisper, "I - I don't want to let go."

You have emoted: Tacita looks up as the flames begin to creep out of the cavern into the halls above. "It shouldn't hurt things," she says hesitantly, "not here. But I - I don't know if I can - there's so much power in you, so much potential - I can't hold it. I'm not strong enough."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist gazes down at you with eyes of swirling shadowfire. "Then do not," he murmurs - though the longer you touch him, the stranger his skin seems to look - almost as if the flame within is boiling out, slowly transforming his body into a living pyre of shadow at the heart of the cavern.

You have emoted: Tacita twines her fingers into your hair and gazes up into your eyes. Stray tears of flame still trickle down her cheeks, but she seems not to notice them. Something between hesitation and fear begins to creep into her gaze, and when she speaks her voice is barely above a whisper. "Xenthos?"

Speaking from within the flame, his lips no longer discernible as anything but twists of flame, Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "Yes, my love?"

With rapturous conviction, you say, "I love you," and the reaction within the cavern is instantaneous. The shadowflame pulses in a single surge, so strong that the mountain itself shakes in response. Dozens of midnight skyblooms flourish within every crack in the soil and the stone, leaping to life as Tacita speaks. Tears pour from her eyes as she sees the reaction, and through a sob that is half-joy, half-pain she chokes out again, "I love you."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist leans forward to kiss you again, his body now completely dissolved - naught but a far denser core of flame in the center of the inferno which molds itself to your own.

You have emoted: Tacita draws back slightly, leaning her forehead against yours. Her brow dips in focus several times, but something appears to be frustrating her. "I can't get it to return to you," she whispers with concern. "I'm going to have to let go, and I don't know what will happen when I do. I think the power will return, but that could - I don't know what that's going to do." She crumples slightly in submission and leans up to kiss you again, clearly finding it difficult to pull her lips away. "But if I hold on much more, I don't know whether there'll be any of you left."

From the core of flame, sounding somewhat puzzled, Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist says, "My love? What are you talking about?"

Sighing softly, you whisper, "Look at yourself, dear heart. Look." She draws one of your hands close to her. "You're burning out into the mountain. I'm holding it, but I can't keep you together forever."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist looks down to his hand, the quirk of his eyebrow barely noticeable as a little line of flame arching upwards. His voice is still puzzled as he murmurs, "My love... I don't see anything."

You have emoted: Tacita clutches your hand against her heart and holds it tightly, her frown deepening. "Then trust me," she says, stepping out of your arms. "I can see - you. Trust me. I have to let go now." She takes another step back, and the only contact between you is her hands wrapped tightly around yours. A third step, and she draws your hand away from her chest, holding it out between you. Fear flashes in her eyes. "Just hold on," Tacita whispers, looking up through the now far-reaching flames. "Be whole. I'll help you as much as I can."

You have emoted: Tacita lets go of your hand and steps away.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist tilts his head as the flames filling the chasm give one last violent wrench before beginning to pull back in as if in the grasp of a vortex. A brief moment of blackness pulses, blanking out all visibility - when sight returns, his form is returned to normal, though the shadows roiling beneath his flesh are rather more agitated than usual.

You have emoted: Tacita sways suddenly and tumbles to the floor, barely managing to reach out and catch hold of your arms as she faints. Her whole body trembles, and without the shadowflame to light it she looks unnaturally monochrome.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist catches you in his arms as she starts to fall. He gathers you in his arms, lifting you from the ground entirely and simply holds you close to himself.

[Walking spam.]

You follow Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist up to a comfortable aerie perched high within the branches.

Almost inaudibly, you whisper, "I think...that I probably should have let go sooner."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist settles you down into the bed, drawing the feathers over you to form a blanket.

You have emoted: Tacita's body falls like a ragdoll, frowning in confusion as her limbs fail to respond.

Naenia, an inquisitive shadow cat limps to the end of the bed and curls up, her fur glowing significantly less than normal.

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist scoops Naenia up in his arms as she tries to settle into the bed, holding her in his lap instead as he very lightly strokes her back.

Ilistala, an enormous leopard leaps up onto the bed, curling up around you and purring softly.

You have emoted: Tacita manages to curl the tips of her fingers around one of Ilistala's forepaws, her breathing slow and shallow.

Haltingly, you whisper, "He told me once...Xynthin...that I was so very small. So small...compared to him. Sometimes - sometimes I forget...how small I am compared to you."

Spirit Warden Xenthos An'Ryshe, the Ebon Strategist frowns, shaking his head. "You are not small, my love," he states with assurance. "You are my match, the woman I love and whom I have given my life to."

You have emoted: Tacita smiles wanly. "No, dear heart. I am small. Not less - just small."

Tacita · January 2014

So nothing happened for a while and then the Red Star totally just gave me the way to move this into the next arc of things. Wheeeee.

Apologies to the many people who sent me tells/tried to interact with me whilst it was going on that I ignored, I wish I could type more than one thing at once!

---

Crek Ysav'rai says, "Feel free to kill the beguiled ones. They no longer serve the Wyrd."

Xenzak, Wyrden Sting says, "How strong are they?"

Crek Ysav'rai says to Xenzak, "It might be a bit tough for you. You could always try, you will simply return to the Ravenwood if you die in the forest."

You catch a glimpse of the Red Star out of the corner of your eye, and feel drawn to stare up at it.

Xenzak ponders the situation.

A beguiled faeling ritualist yells, "The Army of Love shall rise again!"

Priestess Ashlee Shee-Slaugh, Spinner of the Dusk says, "The urge to hunt them down is rising."

Let Love lead you, Tacita.

Kethaera An'Ryshe says to Ashlee, "It really doesn't help much."

Ashlee snaps her fingers.

You cast a suspicious eye about your surroundings.

Priestess Ashlee Shee-Slaugh, Spinner of the Dusk says, "That's highly unfortunate."

Kethaera nods her head in agreement.

You say to Kethaera, "They find their way back even if not resummoned, I suppose?"

Kethaera nods her head at you.

Love could save those you fear to lose, Tacita...

Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "And very quickly, unfortunately."

You have emoted: Tacita nods almost distractedly, and ducks her head slightly so that her hair conceals her face in a wispy white curtain.

Priestess Ashlee Shee-Slaugh, Spinner of the Dusk says, "Perhaps the plot is to yell until we're all driven mad enough to follow."

A wry smile spreads across Kethaera's face.

It lingers just beneath the surface even though you try to hide it. Embrace Love! Join the Army of Love!

You open up a window in the cosmic fabric and search out Synkarin. Through the cosmic window, you see Synkarin at the Golden Lookout.

You need not hide it any more!

You tell Synkarin Ysav'rai, "Is it safe? The thing you are keeping. Is it safe, and hidden?"

Synkarin tells you, "What am I keeping?"

You say to Kethaera, "I - I'll be back."

[Running to Gaudiguch spam.]

The Red Star seems to loom even larger in the sky, beckoning towards you.

Synkarin ponders you thoughtfully, looking you up and down.

Alary raises her hand in greeting to you and says "Hi!"

You have emoted: Tacita looks around at the assembled people almost wildly, her eyes darting about.

Synkarin beckons you to him.

You follow Synkarin Ysav'rai northeast to buffeted by violent gusts.

Synkarin tilts his head and listens intently to you.

You could even have Him back... Love Conquers All!

Her face contorting with restrained emotion, you say, "The - the Star is - is trying to use the thing you are keeping safe for me. Against me."

You twitch spasmodically.

Showing that he understands, Synkarin nods his head slowly.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "It's safe."

Just submit, Tacita... Open your heart.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "And it always will be."

You have emoted: Tacita lets out a small whimper and wraps her arms around herself, stepping back slightly.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "The Star isn't what it seems to be."

You nod your head emphatically.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "There isn't Love there anymore."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "There may have been once, but it's gone now."

You say, "I know, I know, I know what's happening isn't - but it keeps telling me..." She falters slightly, pain flashing across her face, "Things."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Well, according to Lord Yomoigu."

Lies. All is possible, Tacita. Just. Embrace. Love.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "What does it tell you?"

You gaze deep into the soul of Synkarin, your heart in your eyes.

A strange feeling catches at your throat. As if you want to shout...

Voice cracking, you whisper, "All the things I have lost. That I can have them back."

You have emoted: Tacita's eyes widen in panic. "I don't think - I can't hold it, I can't stop it."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Maybe in time, but that time is not now, and should you have them back, it will not be because of the Star."

You shout, "Embrace love, dear ones! Join the Army of Love and usher in a new age within the Basin!"

Synkarin creases his brow in a frown.

Kethaera tells you, "Mother?"

You sense the piercing eyes of Kethaera looking upon you.

Their Auspicious Monger, Eritheyl Lunarose shouts, "All we need is Love!"

You sense the piercing eyes of Crek looking upon you.

You have emoted: Tacita claps her hand over her mouth and lets out an anguished cry, her blank mask failing entirely.

You sense the piercing eyes of Morkarion looking upon you.

Yes, Tacita. Embrace. Love.

Zouviqil arrives, following Crek Ysav'rai.

Crek arrives from the southwest.

Crek raises an eyebrow at you.

Looking slightly worried at the situation, you quickly hide behind Synkarin.

Crek doffs the hood of a black spidersilk robe to Synkarin.

Synkarin inclines his head politely to those around him.

Crek Ysav'rai asks you, "Temporary insanity, aye?"

Morkarion tells you, "I hope that was a joke, sister."

Zouviqil places a forefinger between your eyes, and a soothing warmth passes through you.

Exhaling slowly, you whisper, "I - would rather that no one saw me, right now. Please."

Acolyte Zouviqil Myeras says to you, "It nearly happened to me. The Red Star cannot reach you on Ethereal."

Crek shrugs helplessly.

Crek Ysav'rai says, "Very well then."

Crek doffs the hood of a black spidersilk robe cordially.

Zouviqil leaves, following Crek Ysav'rai.

Crek leaves to the southwest.

Synkarin ponders you thoughtfully, looking you up and down.

Eritheyl tells you, "It is heartening to see those of the Glomdoring knowing these truths! My sister in Love, may your Forest thrive with its joyous embrace!"

The Red Star demands your attention looming overhead. You must look. Must watch.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "You must steel yourself."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "There is something amiss, something too good to be true."

Kethaera arrives, following Forge-born Morkarion Shee-Slaugh, Master of the Bloodhunt.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Why would the Supernals and the untainted....."

With a flourish, Morkarion draws a dark cross katana from the Belt of Klangratch.

You have emoted: Silent Sage Tacita An'Ryshe looks at Synkarin briefly, but then gazes up at the Star, her expression rapt.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Pardon us."

You follow Synkarin Ysav'rai to An orbicular entrance.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Can't follow us here."

You sense the piercing eyes of Kethaera looking upon you.

(Glomdoring): Morkarion (from the Prime Material Plane) says, "Let me be clear to each and every one of you."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "The Supernals and the Emanations banished them because of what would come."

Chade tells you, "Are you quite alright Mother in Law?"

(Glomdoring): Morkarion (from the Prime Material Plane) says, "You swore oaths to this Commune, to this Forest, to the Wyrd."

Blinking widely, you whisper, "Would it be so terrible, to give in? We both know it's a lie, really. What I'm doing. And He sees everything - He must know. Is it even a choice, then?"

Chade tells you, "That was a rather unusual outburst."

Synkarin nods his head emphatically.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Never give in, never give up."

You have emoted: Tacita laughs hesitantly.

(Glomdoring): Morkarion (from the Prime Material Plane) says, "To forsake those oaths and join this..Army of Love, a group of little more than cultists to a pair of half-formed abominations, is treason."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Why do you laugh?"

(Glomdoring): Zsearin (from the Ethereal Plane) says, "Nothing matters but Glomdoring."

(Glomdoring): Morkarion (from the Prime Material Plane) says, "And I have no qualms putting anyone who is weak minded enough to defect, to the sword."

(Glomdoring): Ssaliss (from the Prime Material Plane) says, "Glory be to Glomdoring."

(Glomdoring): Terezi (from the Prime Material Plane) says, "Glory be to Glomdoring!"

You whisper, "Now, of all times. Now, when I am so close. It would all have to come tumbling down now."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Only if you let it."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Such is the price we pay to serve."

You snarl, "And what would you know about service, traitor? How can you tell me not to give in, when you yourself did!"

Synkarin smiles softly.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "If you only knew."

You have emoted: Tacita sways slightly on the spot as if suddenly overwhelmed by repressed emotion.

Synkarin Ysav'rai ponders for some time, pacing back and forth.

Naenia, an inquisitive shadow cat rubs up against Synkarin, purring like a cat.

You wince in pain.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "When one forges a sword, you need steady, even movements."

You sense the piercing eyes of Kethaera looking upon you.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Too much and the sword shatters."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Not enough and it's brittle."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "But what happens when you can't even swing because another sword blocks your path?"

Kethaera tells you, "Are... you alright?"

You have emoted: Tacita tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear, listening intently.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "The sword isn't a sword."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "It's just a molten pile of worthless crap."

You tell Kethaera An'Ryshe, "Yes, little one. I am being looked after. Everything will be fine. I just need to get this Star out of my head."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "And when you depend on that crap."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Where does that get you?"

You tell Kethaera An'Ryshe, "Which is not something I can do whilst my brother is looming over me with a weapon, intent on slicing my head from my body."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I don't expect you to understand my actions."

You sense the piercing eyes of Morkarion looking upon you.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "But they were not what I wanted."

Kethaera tells you, "Yes... er. What can I do?"

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "And even then, I couldn't go through with it all the way."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I failed in that."

You tilt your head curiously.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "But it's no matter."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "That has nothing to do with here or now."

You have emoted: Tacita opens her mouth to speak, and pauses, before giving in. "I missed you," she says softly, lips curling into a brilliant smile. "I hate you for what you did to Him, and I always shall. But I hated more that I missed you every moment that I was angry."

Synkarin shrugs helplessly.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "He knows why I did it, and I think He approves."

You blink.

Visibly stunned, you ask, "He - he does?"

You say, "But..."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "But your hate, as well as the rest of theirs is a weight I must bear."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "And it pales in comparison to my failure."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "But this is neither here or there."

You have emoted: Tacita dissolves briefly into what seems to be a strange combination of sobs and laughter, wrapping her arms around herself.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "The Red Star is here."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I'll urge you to not give in."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I can't pinpoint it, but something is amiss, it's not what it seems to be."

[Continued in next comment]

Tacita · January 2014

[Continued from previous]]

Through hitched breaths, you say, "But they know, all of them - they've seen now what love can do to - to me. They know, and I can't undo that. How do I begin to explain..."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "We are all prone to weakness."

You tell Kethaera An'Ryshe, "I'm alright, little one. I promise. But there are only two people in the whole world who can help me with this, and your father is not here right now."

You say, "This is one I was supposed to have overcome."

Kethaera tells you, "Synkarin is the second...?"

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "You still have more work to do apparently."

You have emoted: Tacita's lips twitch in the beginnings of a smile.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "It is not easy, purging weakness."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "You must work at it slowly and steadily."

You tell Kethaera An'Ryshe, "He is."

You say, "And hope that no one throws a sword in your way."

Synkarin nods his head emphatically.

Kethaera tells you, "I don't understand."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Exactly."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I feel like I'm your sword in this instance."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Probably Xenthos too."

You lay your head gently on Synkarin's shoulder, entwining his fingers with yours.

You say, "Maybe."

Synkarin Ysav'rai squeezes your hand, then stands you up before him.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "You must be strong."

Smiling sadly, you say, "I seem to remember telling you before that I've never been as strong as you."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I don't know if that's true."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "But it's something I need you to do, your strength gives me strength."

You brush your fingertips gently across Synkarin's cheek, gazing softly into his eyes.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "We will stand before this Star and face down what comes out of it."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I fear the Dreadform and Iklara may be involved."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "But I'm not really sure."

You say, "I don't think I'm very strong without you. It's like missing a piece of myself." She laughs softly. "I suppose that's because I am."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Better than missing the whole of yourself."

With a shrug, you say, "Just because the other half of me is closer...doesn't mean I'm not missing it just as much."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Well."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "You must do what needs to be done."

You say, "I will. I always do. Even if I have to find another way."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I'll be there with you, facing it down."

Your mouth turns up as your face breaks into a smile.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "But I promise you one thing."

You tilt your head curiously at Synkarin.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "It'll always be safe with me."

Tears fill your eyes and begin to slowly run down your face.

Almost inaudibly, you whisper, "I love you. I'm so sorry."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I love you too, I always have."

You say, "I know."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I wish you wouldn't hate me."

You say, "I wish you hadn't torn out a piece of Him when you left. But wishing doesn't make things better."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Well, yes."

Your eyes light up as an impish grin creeps over your features.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I wish that too."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "But it's for the best."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Anyway, I think others may have questions for you."

You nod your head emphatically.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Since we avoided them."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "And Morkarion continually scried me."

You say, "My daughter is worrying about me. I should - not go out in public like this, but I should show her that I'm not in terrible trouble. Just - just one thing."

Synkarin tilts his head and listens intently to you.

You lean into Synkarin and kiss him long and tenderly.

Synkarin smiles softly.

In a rush of breath, you say, "I probably shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. I'm going to blame the Star even though it's not really it though it sort of is but it's not."

Synkarin nods his head emphatically.

You follow Synkarin Ysav'rai down to before the Eternal Flame.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "I'd bring you to the Master, but I'd probably die."

Your eyes twinkle enchantingly.

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "So the Flame would have to work."

You say, "It does. Thank you." Smiling almost shyly, she repeats with emphasis, "Thank you."

Synkarin Ysav'rai says, "Anytime."

You draw the Fingerblade of dha'Wyrden-cree across the inside of your wrist, causing a line of blood to well up. You then lift the blade into the air, as shadows spill out of the wet crimson tip, swarming around you and taking you to the Realm of Shadows.

Naenia, an inquisitive shadow cat tells you, "Morkarion has entered from the ether."

A flame-tongued savage in lustrous steel gives you the once-over, eyeing you suspiciously.

A flame-tongued savage in lustrous steel says to you, "Have you lost your mind, Sister?"

You have emoted: Tacita looks up and flashes an unnervingly real smile.

You say, "Oh, no. I mean, briefly, but it was only that one thing."

A flame-tongued savage in lustrous steel peers at you unscrupulously.

You pat Morkarion in a friendly manner.

A flame-tongued savage in lustrous steel says to you, "You, of all people."

A flame-tongued savage in lustrous steel snarls viciously.

You say, "I'm not about to go joining any armies, brother dear. There are just some unexpected side effects."

A flame-tongued savage in lustrous steel says, "You who preached about life without emotion, to be so easily taken in."

You blink.

A flame-tongued savage in lustrous steel says to you, "You have a commune to address, that you reject this cult of half-formed abominations, and you remain true to your oaths."

You say, "Yes, that's probably for the best."

[Fleeing!]

Morkarion tells you, "They cannot have second thoughts, when someone they look up to as you, is taken in so easily."

(Glomdoring): You say, "My apologies for the delay in addressing the earlier oddness - I wanted to ensure that no further ill-effects had taken place."

(Glomdoring): You say, "Suffice it to say that the Red Star is evidently powerful enough to take command of even those who have thrown off the shackles of emotion. I hope that this shall serve as appropriate caution and an emphasis of the gravity of the situation."

(Glomdoring): Morkarion says, "Thank you, Dirgesinger. I am glad to see you back in control of your own voicebox."

(Glomdoring): You say, "It is very nice to be such."

You tell Kethaera An'Ryshe, "I am back in the commune now, little one."

Kethaera tells you, "Yes."

You tell Kethaera An'Ryshe, "There are...some side effects to what has occurred, which I have not mentioned to the commune."

Kethaera tells you, "What happened?"

You tell Kethaera An'Ryshe, "I suppose you could say that a box of sorts was opened."

Naenia, an inquisitive shadow cat tells you, "Kethaera has entered from the south."

You have emoted: Tacita flashes you a warm and unnervingly real smile, her face entirely full of emotion and not a hint of her usual impassive mask visible.

Immediately wrinkling her nose, you say, "Oh, I'm sorry, this is probably very strange. I mean it's incredibly strange for me, disconcerting on any number of levels, but..."

Kethaera An'Ryshe eyes you uneasily, and doesn't return the smile.

You wince in pain.

You say, "Yes, I probably deserve that. For not explaining, let alone the whole being possessed part."

You give a pained sigh.

You say, "I am, and I am not."

Kethaera tilts her head curiously at you.

Brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes, you say, "The truth, little one, is that I -have- thrown off all emotion. I have not lied about that. But emotions cannot be destroyed, at least not in any way that I have found."

You have emoted: Tacita gestures off into the distance, explaining, "This means that they are always there, somewhere - no matter how far away. No matter how safe a place you have put them in." Eyeing the Red Star with distaste, she adds, "Which means that they can still be used against you."

You say, "I am alright in that I am not possessed, or under any control - I felt the compulsion to shout those inane things to the Basin before it fully affected me, so I suppose if I had known before that the Ethereal plane was safe from its influence I could have gotten there in time."

Kethaera An'Ryshe stares hard at you, keeping her gaze down and away from the direction of the Red Star. "Then what is the use of it?" she asks, a hint of anger in her tone. "It seems there's nothing we can do against this threat."

Smiling softly, you say, "There is always something, little one. We will find it. As to the use of hiding - well, it is a rare thing that manages to bring them out. And if that method proves faulty, I shall simply find another."

Kethaera An'Ryshe pauses a moment, and adds curiously, her tone far less hostile, "The... Ethereal plane is safe, then?"

You look thoughtful and say, "So Zouviqil tells me. Curious, isn't it?"

You say, "Curious and a very, very good thing - it means the aspects are safe, for a start."

Kethaera An'Ryshe looks thoughtful and says, "Not really. Perhaps that is what started all of this."

You shrug helplessly.

Kethaera An'Ryshe says to you, "I mean, the supernal and the emanation leaving their respective planes to come to the Basin. Perhaps that's the cause of all this, and why leaving for another plane is safe?"

You ponder the situation.

You say, "Possibly."

Her expression softening, you say, "I'm sorry I scared you, dear heart. I really am alright, even if - well, I can't really get all of my feelings back into their boxes."

Shrugging, Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "If you say so, I suppose... It wasn't just that, though."

You tilt your head curiously.

Wrinkling her nose slightly, Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "Morkarion. What he said... it sounded like he was suggesting you were a traitor. I mean, if the faelings were misled in the same way...?"

You have emoted: Tacita does her best to conceal her pained expression in response, and fails miserably.

Softly, you say, "If there is anything I can do to prove to you that I am not, I will. You need only ask. There is nothing else that I can offer, save words, and words are unreliable."

Brow furrowing in confusion, Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "What? Why would you think I would need to ask you? I... would never question... " Shaking her head, she adds, "You don't understand."

You crease your brow in a frown.

You say, "Then explain it to me?"

Kethaera gives a pained sigh.

Sadly, Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "I suppose... I've always assumed that your loyalty would be less questionable than mine. I was angry that he would suggest otherwise, not with you. I don't know how to explain what's going on."

Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "If... that makes sense?"

You have emoted: Tacita smiles fondly at you, and wrinkles her nose up. As she does so, her form shrinks abruptly and her skin darkens from snow to midnight.

You beat your wings furiously, hovering in the air.

Kethaera flaps her wings rapidly and floats into the air, stopping to hover before you.

You say, "That was a very important thing to do at this point in the conversation. Because it means I can do this."

You hug Kethaera compassionately.

Kethaera An'Ryshe returns your hug, still looking a bit confused. Giving a weak smile, she says, "Thank you. But why?"

You say, "Now, as to people calling me a traitor - it is not the first time. It may well not be the last." She smiles softly. "When your father and Xynthin were stuck in the wheel, I was called a traitor for defending the many...-many-...copies of your father that poured out of their various alternate realities into ours. Since then, I have proven wrong the people who called me such. I will do so again."

Softly, Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "Yes, I remember the story. But that was diff... " Looking thoughtful, she shrugs. "Well, anyway, of course you will."

Her eyes glowing briefly, you say, "I have served the Wyrd with my mind, my body and my soul since I stepped out of the Portal. I bear the blood of the slaugh and of shadowfire. I have sacrificed more for the Glory of Glomdoring than many would even consider." Taking your hands in hers. "There is not a single ounce of doubt inside me, for I am in my place in the Amalgam and I am glorious. I am not a traitor, little one. I never have been, and I never will be."

You say, "And anyone who tries to tell you otherwise can go and stand in front of Rowena so she can spit on them."

Smiling softly, Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "And so she should. You have nothing to prove to me, ever."

Your mouth turns up as your face breaks into a smile.

You smile impishly and say, "Also, your uncle is tremendously hot headed and leaps at any chance to execute people."

Kethaera's eyes sparkle with amusement.

Innocently, Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "Really? I hadn't noticed."

You say, "We had a brief staring contest wherein he evidently decided not to decapitate me just now."

Kethaera gives a trillingly melodic laugh.

Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "Does that mean you won the contest?"

You say, "I consider any contest where I leave with my head attached to my body to be one in which I have secured victory."

You say, "For now, however, I am left undecided about whether it is best for the commune at large to see me quite so..." She gestures to her face, "Emotional. I suppose I will probably not have a choice eventually."

Kethaera ponders the situation.

Carefully, Kethaera An'Ryshe says, "Perhaps... it is only temporary?"

You nod your head emphatically.

You say, "It's rather hard to make an educated guess about anything with decades of emotions swimming about in my head, but I imagine once the Star is gone it will get easier."

You smile softly.

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