[thillieir]

Basically I'm just placing myself at the mercy of the Lusternia Forum people and asking for feedback on my planned character description for Thill (the old one isn't good enough). Thus, I all comments and suggestions are welcome.

He is a crystalline lucidian and is rather serene in appearance. Lacking the characteristic blockiness of most lucidians, his skin is very smooth in places, having an almost human quality to it. Translucent and deep azure in color, white light suffuses from his body, catching upon his facets and caressing the world in its iridescent hues. A single, enneagon shaped cone protrudes from the crown of his head, and smooth, upward swept spikes, spiral around it, pressed close to its surface. His body is lithe, and his muscles, though small, are well defined. Particularly defined are the muscles of his back and neck, portraying his proud and immaculate posture.

Alors?

[Ialie]

You forgot to describe your face.

[thillieir]

He is a crystalline lucidian and is rather serene in appearance. Lacking the characteristic blockiness of most lucidians, his skin is very smooth in places, having an almost human quality to it. Translucent and deep azure in color, white light suffuses from his body, catching upon his facets and caressing the world in its iridescent hues. His face is youthful with only a few minor depressions at the corners of his amethyst eyes and on his forehead betraying his age. A single, enneagon shaped cone protrudes from the crown of his head, and smooth, upward swept spikes, spiral around it, pressed close to its surface. His body is lithe, and his muscles, though small, are well defined. Particularly defined are the muscles of his back and neck, portraying his proud and immaculate posture.

Okay, how's that?

[Ialie]

Very well done.

[thillieir]

Thank you, and with the Ialie seal of approval, do I need another opinion? Well, it's my character's new description until someone decides to tell me it's horrible and then proceed to convince me of why.

[Shiri]

A single, enneagon shaped cone protrudes from the crown of his head, and smooth, upward swept spikes, spiral around it, pressed close to its surface.

I think this sentence needs reworking. Assuming "enneagon" is a word used to describe a shape, you'd need to cut the comma after spikes or the sentence is all disjointed and weird.

"A single, enneagon-shaped cone protrudes from the crown of his head, and smooth, upward-swept spikes spiral around it, pressed close to its surface." See?

[blastron]

I'd recommend replacing "enneagon" with "nonagon", "nine-sided", or "multifaceted". Reasoning:

Nonagon: I like math a lot, and I had to look up enneagon. And my quick-reference dictionary didn't have it. I had to resort to Google to figure out it was synonymous with nonagon.
Nine-sided: Not everyone passed high school Geometry, or even remembers what basic shapes are.
Multifaceted: "Mr. Thillieir, please hold still while I count the number of sides on the translucent, angular horn that protrudes from your head!" I can't look at something that's attached to someone's head, especially something translucent, and count the number of sides at a quick glance.

[thillieir]

He is a crystalline lucidian and is rather serene in appearance. Lacking the characteristic blockiness of most lucidians, his skin is very smooth in places, having an almost human quality to it. Translucent and deep azure in color, white light suffuses from his body, catching upon his facets and caressing the world in its iridescent hues. His face is youthful with only a few minor depressions at the corners of his amethyst eyes and on his forehead betraying his age. A single enneagon shaped cone protrudes from the crown of his head, and smooth, upward swept spikes, spiral around it, pressed close to its surface. His body is lithe, and his muscles, though small, are well defined. Particularly defined are the muscles of his back and neck, portraying his proud and immaculate posture.

Okay, I agree with the comma. Now the two sentence possibilities are: A single nonagon shaped cone protrudes from the crown of his head, and smooth, upward swept spikes, spiral around it, pressed close to its surface.

Or: A single multifacted cone protrudes from the crown of his head, and smooth, upward swept spikes, spiral around it, pressed close to its surface.

Nonagon doesn't sound nearly as cool as eneagon, let me tell you, and the idea behind eneagon is to promote confusion...if you know what an eneagon is off the top of your head, you can tell what the shape of the protrusion is at a glance, looking it up constitutes taking the time to count the facets. Of course, people may disagree with that, and I'm willing to give in under pressure. The problem I have with multifacted is the "facets" in the sentence before, and to me, it doesn't flow as well. Perhaps you disagree with that assessment, or perhaps you could suggest an alternative way to say that sentence for better flow? I'm open to suggestions, and thank you for your input thus far.

[Aiakon]

I prefer enneagon. All the other numbers are Greek based. Heptagon, Pentagon, Hexagon, dedecahedron, etc. While Nonagon... is a bastard word made with a Greek suffix and a Latin via Middle French prefix. Down with hybrid words.

[Drayakir]

My question is- how the Nil do you know that?

[daganev]

Nice Anime Hair!

[Guest_Ziorhon_*]

His body is lithe, and his muscles, though small, are well defined.  Particularly defined are the muscles of his back and neck

[right][snapback]250370[/snapback][/right]

Do lucidians have muscles?

[Nymerya]

My question is- how the Nil do you know that?
[right][snapback]250718[/snapback][/right]

Aiakon knows all.


Least he thinks so.

[thillieir]

Yes, lucidians have muscles, or sliced biceps wouldn't do anything to them. They also bleed, have bones, have organs, can form facial expressions, have the manual dexterity needed to paint, and do anything else a human can do. Anyone who's taken ancient Greek knows that enneagon comes from the Greek word for nine. Granted, that's not very many people, but then, that's the idea. I'm still willing to go with multifaceted if someone can convince me I should.

[Iridiel]

I'm still willing to go with multifaceted if someone can convince me I should.
[right][snapback]250991[/snapback][/right]

There's some people who know that thistle is a shade of violet, light and pinkish. Many won't. If I want to tell as many as possible of the people that look at my char description that my robe is violet I would be better using violet or light violet instead. Also, I probably wouldn't be hoping of people tho decide at a glance wich is the correct shade of violet I am using when they might be the kind of people who only uses the basic names for colours (light purple or even pink in this case)

[thillieir]

Indeed, but two things should be obvious; one, it is not circular, and two, it is a cone. Now most people will hopefully take that to mean that it is not a round cone and that it is, indeed, facted. Enneagon may confuse people, though, and that might be a bad thing; I don't know. The question is whether I should go for the poetry and flow or whether I should go for less confusion.

[Verithrax]

Indeed, but two things should be obvious; one, it is not circular, and two, it is a cone.  Now most people will hopefully take that to mean that it is not a round cone and that it is, indeed, facted.  Enneagon may confuse people, though, and that might be a bad thing; I don't know.  The question is whether I should go for the poetry and flow or whether I should go for less confusion.
[right][snapback]251119[/snapback][/right]

I'd say go for Enneagon. The description would sound more precise and interesting, and if anyone really cares, it takes about five seconds to look the word up on the Web.

[Iridiel]

Wich is really IC! Google FTW!
If I read enneagon I don't know if you have a cone over there or a fractal design on the form of a dessert rose.
Sorry

[Verithrax]

Wich is really IC! Google FTW!
If I read enneagon I don't know if you have a cone over there or a fractal design on the form of a dessert rose.
Sorry
[right][snapback]251731[/snapback][/right]

Since your character isn't reading the description, there's nothing OOC about looking up words in someone's desc on Wikipedia.