I think. For the past two years I've been an active member of the combat scene and when I was playing and PK was happening, 99% of the time I was there. But for the past few months, as real life got progressively more demanding, I began to realize the whole part of lusternia that revolves around player vs player combat ( not conflict, mind you, I am speaking of face to face combat ).
It took a lot of work for me to get there, unlike a lot of other people I got to get to know a little, I'm not a natural at this, never was and never will be. I am good at logic and figuring things out, but something about PK always eluded me. Probably because my reaction isn't the fastest, but it doesn't matter. I can code and where I wasn't fast or aware enough, my combat system could help me. And given that there's several people out there who successfully ( to a good extend better then me ) participate in PK combat does tell me I did something right.
In the end though, when it comes down to it, I am realizing that there's no joy in it for me, or rather particularly I don't enjoy the amount of work that is required to stay on top of things and, in some parts, I also don't enjoy the attitude. And by that I don't mean someone's personal attitude, I suppose I mean something like a mindset in which PK is fought here. This is not meant to put any blame on anyone, not at all. There's a lot of people who enjoy things the way they are, people who've fought far longer then me and who've been far more ingrained into the itty bitty details and adjusting their systems here and there to gain that tiny edge that it takes to win. I admire the dedication and I can respect the way things are.
But that leads me to the reason for this post: This ain't mine. I can not compete with it and I am quite simply not up for it. When I log in after a day of work and am done with my days activities and sit down to play a few hours, am looking to relax. Lusternia's combat does not provide this for me, never has and never will. I always enjoyed the odd friendly spar or training fight and I'll probably continue that, you'll see me at the odd revolt or maybe even a domoth or a wild nodes sometimes, but in general: I'm out of it, putting down the scepter, done with fighting.
I don't put this out to start a discussion, nor less a fight. I put this out to the people who care that they know the reasons behind how Aeldra will change and change she'll have to. I've not yet figured out how to do it, nor what this will mean for my character, but we'll figure this out. In short, I'm still here, I'm still playing, but don't expect me to show up to PK events anymore, nor do expect my response when there are raids, there presumably won't be more then cltoff, with some rare exceptions.
Instead, I'll turn my attention back to the parts of lusternia that I enjoy: the amazing RP, the many lost, crazy and extremely beautiful places to explore, bashing and influencing and ever so more. I'll stand by as an envoy still for till a time when there's enough to support celest's side of envoys, at which I'll gladly step down.
Lastly, from the bottom of my heart, if you choose to comment, as I realize that anything of the matter may spark discussion of some sort: keep it civil, this is not meant to stir up any dirt and I really don't want it to.
I'll be around.
Avatar / Picture done by the lovely Gurashi.