The Penguin Menace

PortiusPortius Likes big books, cannot lieMember Posts: 1,419 Transcendent
Behold, the events that made me squeal and go "aww" and laugh hysterically.


(The Grand Salon): You say, "Lady, I have attained more evidence that I am going
senile. I apparently had something that I had to discuss with lady Saaga that I
have since forgotten. It allegedly concerned You. Have You any idea what it
was?"

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "Perhaps you meantioned that I was involved in
your conversing, something that I did not expressly tell you to bring up, as it
implies I am nosey and such is a rude connotation."

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "Mentioned, ahem. I, too, am going senile."

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "However, we may concoct something if you like."

(The Grand Salon): You say, "I cannot even recall mentioning that to Her, Lady.
I am more senile than I thought."

(The Grand Salon): You say, "What should I tell her I was going to speak to her
about, then?"

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "Gracious, let Me think."

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "What do you think would be fascinating?
Penguins, mayhap?"

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "You have been plagued with a vision of a penguin
and know not why."

(The Grand Salon): You say, "I have?"

Most assuredly, a penguin passes your line of sight before vanishing in pink
smoke.

(The Grand Salon): You say, "Well, I have now."

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "Have you? How very fortuitous."

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "You shan't have to lie, then."

You say, "Hm. The Lady has enlightened me regarding what I have forgotten."

You say, "I have apparently been plagued by visions of a penguin. This has been
an alleged source of confusion in my life. The vision recurred, rather
remarkably, once the Lady reminded me of it."

(The Grand Salon): You say, "Was that sufficiently subtle, Lady?"

Suspiciously, a penguin frolics within the salon before abruptly vanishing.

Saaga's eyes sparkle with amusement.

You blink.

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "My Weaver, you do bring a great deal of laughter
into My part of the Divine Havens."

You say, "Did you see it as well, or am I going mad?"

(The Grand Salon): You say, "Oh? Do I amuse only You, or also the other Divine?"

Laughter in her eyes, Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "I am terribly sorry, lord
Windwhisper. It seems they are out to get you."

Eirlys, the crystal swan folds her arms across her chest, searching the area for
danger.

You say, "Oh, bother. Well, I knew the day was coming. One cannot be as lax
regarding laboratory safety as I am and expect to stay entirely sane."

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "Now you're seeking flattery with your cheek."

(The Grand Salon): You say, "I am not, Lady! A punning man would say that I am
seeking it with my tongue."

Saaga hums innocently to herself.

(The Grand Salon): You say, "A cunning man, however would feign ignorance. I am
not sure which I am today."

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "Just for that, I ought to let the penguins
torment you into a madman."

(The Grand Salon): You say, "If I beg forgiveness, will You exercise Your powers
to exorcise them?"

(The Grand Salon): Isune says, "That depends. Well-dressed birds are never to be
trusted."

(The Grand Salon): You say, "This is true, presuming lovely plumage does not
count as being well-dressed."

You say, "I begin to suspect that the Lady has something to do with these
visions."

Evasively, Lady Saaga Shevat says, "One mortal may have suggested that the
appropriate punishment for drowsy followers might include a dip in the Inner Sea
and then fish guts before being presented to some friendly penguins."

Saaga shifts her eyes suspiciously from side to side.

You say, "I, ah. I see."

You say, "Well, I have never dissected a penguin before. Perhaps I should find a
scalpel."

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "But that was simply a humble suggestion.
Clearly, as we both saw, they are out to get us. Suspicious creatures, so
stylish, so gentlemanly - and yet, so... fishthirsty."

You say, "Fishthirsty?"

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "I am sure we can find a scalpel in the
laboratory."

Lady Saaga Shevat says, "Shall we, just in case it returns?"

You say, "Hm. That might be for the best."

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "Quickly! Luckily it is just nearby."

A tidy, brightly-lit laboratory.
Neat workbenches line this marble-walled room, cut from sturdy oak and kept
scrupulously clean, and with capacious cupboards beneath for storage space.
Resting atop the surfaces stands a variety of unusual researching tools and
instruments, including sets of magnification glasses, trays, vials, and basins,
as well as notebooks stacked everywhere in quantity together with numerous pens
and other writing tools. In the centre of the room stands one particularly large
work unit, upon which numerous dishes and bowls full of water contain crystals,
leaves and roots in varying quantities, evidently an experiment in progress.
Globes of light are attached to the walls near the ceiling, casting a bright,
steady glow across the chamber. Eyes gleaming with intellect, Eirlys, the
crystal swan rests here. Lady Saaga Shevat is here, wreathed in a flickering
mandala of silvery light. She wields an antique violin of dove-grey wood in her
left hand.
You see exits leading north and up (open door).

Lady Saaga Shevat says, "Did it follow us?"

You say, "I am not certain. This penguin menace is a stealthy doom indeed."

Lady Saaga Shevat rummages through some cupboards in search of a scalpel.

A black feather floats lazily by.

You have emoted: Portius goes rather tense.

Lady Saaga Shevat gasps and points at a black feather, now littering the
pristine floor.

You say, "They must be drawing nearer."

Eirlys, the crystal swan meticulously preens her crystalline plumage.

Eyes widening, Lady Saaga Shevat says, "Are there more?"

You say, "It is a distinct possibility. Perhaps we should call for the
Sentinels."

Lady Saaga Shevat finally manages to locate a scalpel in a glazed cupboard, but
the door is stuck.

You say, "In the future perhaps you should instruct that butler to ensure that
all cupboards open cleanly. When the penguins march upon us is not the time to
discover a stuck door."

Lady Saaga Shevat says, "Yes, Exley will need to be scolded."

Lady Saaga Shevat says, "Obviously this laboratory has not seen quite as much
use recently."

Lady Saaga Shevat says, "I wonder where the man is."

You say, "Hopefully he has gone hunting for penguins."

You hear a knock from the north.

Dreamlike, fleeting images linger in the air as Eirlys, the crystal swan extends
her long, graceful neck and sings out an awe-inspiring, airy melody.

Saaga gives a horrified gasp.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "The penguins or our butler?"

Lady Saaga Shevat's eyes widen in horror.

Lady Saaga Shevat says, "It is a penguin!"

You say, "Are you certain?"

Lady Saaga Shevat says, "I see it."

You say, "I see. This is certainly suboptimal."

Lady Saaga Shevat says, "It is chubby, stylish... and dangerous."

Eirlys, the crystal swan gracefully bows her elegant head and flies off to the
north.

Feathers brushing together with a soft tinkle, Eirlys, the crystal swan
gracefully emerges from the north.

You hear happy frolicking sounds as the penguin has its way around the manse.

You say, "That sound cannot possibly mean anything good."

Exhaling deeply, Lady Saaga Shevat says, "I think we should go find it. For
better or for worse."

You say, "Yes. Quite so. Courage befits peers of the Collective best."

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "But only if you agree."

Saaga nods her head emphatically.

You follow Lady Saaga Shevat north to An elegant candle-lit library.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin chirps happily.

Saaga shifts her eyes suspiciously from side to side.

You give an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin the once-over, eyeing him
suspiciously.

Lady Saaga Shevat says, "No, not the library!"

With its roundish body, stubby legs, and big webbed feet, this fat little
penguin makes for quite a comical sight on land. Within the icy waters of the
sea, however, its grace and speed are unmistakable.
An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin looks weak and feeble.
He weighs about 75 pounds.
You cannot see what an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin is holding.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin dallies about the library.

Saaga shifts her eyes over an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin with a look of
suspicion.

A look of sweetest innocence overtakes an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin.

Eirlys, the crystal swan ponders an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin
thoughtfully, looking him up and down.

You say, "Oh, bother. I have not learned nearly enough about dealing with
obstinate birds from Volucer to feel secure in dealing with this."

"Coo!" Eirlys, the crystal swan exclaims at an impeccably dressed, chubby
penguin.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin reaches up to poke a few books off the
shelves with utter malice.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin cackles hellishly.

You say, "Excuse me, waterfowl. As a librarian, I must respectfully request that
you cease and desist immediately."

Childishly, an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin sticks his tongue out at you.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin, "I have some
experience with waterfowl. Do you think you could kindly obey the
Lord-Librarian?"

Eirlys, the crystal swan nods her head sagely at an impeccably dressed, chubby
penguin.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin runs circles around the room with
outstretched arms, happily screaming, "Wheee!"

You whisper to Saaga, "I do not believe such a rude creature as this is likely
to obey, no matter how fiercly I shush it."

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin bounces on a sadly abandoned, very unhappy
looking book.

You have emoted: Portius winces as he sees the book suffering such rampant
abuse.

Throwing his hands in the air, an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin tosses his
head back and laughs sadistically.

Lady Saaga Shevat gingerly picks up a book and shelves it, turning to the
penguin. Suddenly, her features soften considerably.

Saaga ponders an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin thoughtfully, looking him up
and down.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin, "Why are you
behaving in this manner, waterfowl?"

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin curiously looks back up at the lucidian in
turn, offering a perfectly disarming manner.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin kicks his foot abashedly, looking mildly
ashamed, before sighing and burying his little penguin face in a book.

(The Assimilated): You say, "OHMYDARWIN SO CUTE."

Lady Saaga Shevat reaches out to offer a hand to the penguin, still watching out
for possible bites.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "Carefully..."

Saaga drops a bag of fish heads.

You whisper to Saaga, "You're a genius."
]
Lady Saaga Shevat backs off quietly.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin looks up from his wall of pages he can't
read, and glances hungrily at the fish heads.

Cautiously pushing his book-hat off his head, he pokes at the fish with his beak
and lets out a delighted "meep!" sound.

Eirlys, the crystal swan meticulously preens her crystalline plumage.

Lady Saaga Shevat takes another step back, her posture relaxing a bit.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin, "You're welcome
to it."

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin dances about in utter glee.

You whisper to Saaga, "Far be it from me to interrupt a cunning and successful
plan, but should we really be rewarding such bad behavior?"

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin catches a fish head with his beak, throws
it joyfully into the air, then swallows it in a single gulp.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "I think it is simply hungry... Fishthirsty."

You say to Saaga, "So hungry that it rampages through a perfectly innocent
library?"

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin continues in his little performance before
pausing to look at Eirlys. Seemingly captivated by her crystal colours, he
studies her a moment before nudging a single fish head in her direction.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin waits patiently, little wings in lap.

Eirlys, the crystal swan Eyes the penguin enviously before turning her gaze to
Saaga.

Lady Saaga Shevat's features soften somewhat, a muted lavender glow appearing
within.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "Oh look, it shares!"

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "It cannot be inherently evil."

You say to Saaga, "Yes, but if that is generosity or an attempt to initiate a
mating procedure remains to be seen."

Lady Saaga Shevat says to Eirlys, the crystal swan, "I think you just made a
friend, Eirlys."

Saaga ponders an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin thoughtfully, looking him up
and down.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin nudges it once more to Eirlys, brow
furrowed in confusion as he tries to meep out his intentions.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "Well, I did mention a possibility of crystal
cygnets at some point."

Eirlys, the crystal swan gingerly picks up the fish head before swallowing it in
one gulp.

You say to Saaga, "I suppose, but the physical concerns alone baffle me. But if
a human can be crossed with a trill I suppose a crystal swan and a penguin could
likewise interbreed."

Eirlys, the crystal swan preens her wings in utter glee, cooing happily at the
guest.

Saaga ponders an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin thoughtfully, looking him up
and down.

Eirlys, the crystal swan shifts her eyes over Saaga with a look of suspicion.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin smiles goofily, blushing a faint pink
beneath his feathers as his hatred of pages and books is temporarily appeased.

Wondering out loud, Lady Saaga Shevat says, "But would possible cygnets be of
the book and page hating kind?"

You say to Saaga, "I certainly hope not."

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin trills out a happy song while dancing with
happy feet.

Nodding to herself, Lady Saaga Shevat says, "That is a trait acquired rather
than inherent, I would say."

Lady Saaga Shevat says to an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin, "I must say I
now consider you a friendly penguin."

"Meep!" the chubby penguin agrees.

You say to an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin, "I suppose I could bring
myself to forgive you for your trespasses against the sanctity of a library if
you swear not to err in that regard again."

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin inches bashfully over to you and nuzzles
you tenderly.

"Meep," the penguin repeats, love in his eyes.

You have emoted: Portius desperately tries to suppress a smile.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin, "And thus, you
are welcome to the water garden if you prefer. There may be some more fish heads
in it for you."

You say, "Well, then. I believe I have made an avian friend today."

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin rubs his belly with contentment and then
politely pushes a book back onto the shelf. "Meep," he says decidedly.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to Eirlys, the crystal swan, "See? A perfect gentleman."

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin flirts wittily with Eirlys, the crystal
swan.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin repeats "Meep" in deeper, suaver tones.

Eirlys, the crystal swan blushes at an impeccably dressed, chubby penguin
furiously.

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin smooths back his feathers.

You say to Saaga, "It would seem that our new friend it better at flirtation
than I am. I am amused and envious."

Lady Saaga Shevat ponders the two birds quietly, a wide smile etched on her
features.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "I am envious as well. Such manners!"

An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin waddles over dashingly to Eirlys side, and
then pecks her, once, on the beak, before "meeping" his way off, heroically, to
wherever penguins waddle off to.

"Coo!" Eirlys, the crystal swan exclaims, eyes wide.

A dramatic wind gusts mysteriously in his well-dressed wake.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to Eirlys, the crystal swan, "I think you are quite taken
with the well-dressed gentleman?"

You say, "And like all good dashing gentlemen, he knows when to retreat and let
the the lady's mind work on his behalf. Genius."

Eirlys, the crystal swan gazes longingly to the direction the penguin waddled
off to before hanging her head in confusion.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "Yes. A perfect gentleman, but it remains to be
seen whether this was just a one-time visit. Such style and suave often suggests
multiple flings, and swans do like to settle with one partner."

Eirlys, the crystal swan looks about in confusion.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "Actually, aren't penguins alike swans in that?"

You say to Saaga, "I am uncertain. I am no expert in penguin mating habits. We
shall soon see, I expect."

Dreamlike, fleeting images linger in the air as Eirlys, the crystal swan extends
her long, graceful neck and sings out an awe-inspiring, airy melody.

Lady Saaga Shevat says to you, "Yes, it remains to be seen. What a coincidence!"

Eirlys, the crystal swan nods eagerly, her dark eyes cloudy.

You say, "Coincidence, or a conspiracy."

Lady Saaga Shevat says, "Yes, there is always that possibility with fishthirsty
penguins."

You say, "That shall likewise become clear in the future, I think."



Any sufficiently advanced pun is indistinguishable from comedy.

Comments

  • SaagaSaaga Member Posts: 30 Capable
    I had so much fun! I also see cygnets in the near future. Or chubby, crystal pengnets. Or whatever a union of a swan and a penguin would produce.
  • ZouviqilZouviqil Queen of Uberjerkiness Member Posts: 975 Transcendent
    Saaga said:
    I had so much fun! I also see cygnets in the near future. Or chubby, crystal pengnets. Or whatever a union of a swan and a penguin would produce.
    Puffin
  • ZyphoraZyphora :: the sun in her splendour :: Member Posts: 398 Transcendent
    Saaga said:
    I had so much fun! I also see cygnets in the near future. Or chubby, crystal pengnets. Or whatever a union of a swan and a penguin would produce.
    Possible order pet?  ;;)
    Motes of light around the caldera pulse brightly as a soft voice echoes,
    "But She was lovely, and all She touched became lovely, too.
    And She touched the Architect's heart, a place that no other had claimed with their artistry."

    ::
    "Or if you pick up something a little too heavy for you, does it hurt?
    It is only a little pressure on the understood boundaries of yourself."

    - Sunshine, by Robin McKinley
  • ShaddusShaddus , the Leper Messiah Outside your window.Member Posts: 7,761 Transcendent

    Zyphora said:
    Saaga said:
    I had so much fun! I also see cygnets in the near future. Or chubby, crystal pengnets. Or whatever a union of a swan and a penguin would produce.
    Possible order pet?  ;;)
    Inherent awesomeness?
    Bob Junior says, "I had a party hook onnce. Lost it iNsiDee of soMe buxsm dracnari maiden, I thiik."
  • KaimanahiKaimanahi The One True Queen Member Posts: 719 Transcendent
    An impeccably dressed, chubby penguin repeats "Meep" in deeper, suaver tones.
    This made me laugh. Fun log all around!
    image
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