Looking for feedback on my bardic story

WinnaeWinnae Member Posts: 33 Novice
Hi everyone, I got started writing a story about Winnae the Puissant.  Decided to enter it as Winnae for some reason I don't remember anymore.  I'd like to invite people to read it and give me feedback, though.


Thanks!

Comments

  • PhulbelishiPhulbelishi Member Posts: 102 Adept
    I love it. LOVE IT. Please, write more. Write all the time. Do nothing but write.

    Two small things for your benefit, though:
    1) "Winnae’s ability to secretly tale Orthros had only worked for so long." - homonomnomophone, use 'tail' instead.
    2) "This was a dangerous handicap for him because even if he was an n’Kylbar" - just snip 'an' to 'a'.
    A far away voice whispers, the sound barely reaching your ears, yet the words remain perfectly clear, "Then so be it."
  • DrocillaDrocilla Member, Gods Posts: 488 Divine

    2) "This was a dangerous handicap for him because even if he was an n’Kylbar" - just snip 'an' to 'a'.

    The way we pronounce n'Kylbar actually demands the "an". Think of the 'n' as 'en' in 'enemy'.
  • KalnidKalnid Member Posts: 560 Fabled
    ... What, really? I've always read it closer to nuh.
  • DrocillaDrocilla Member, Gods Posts: 488 Divine
    Being an imaginary nobiliary particle it's up for debate but I've always seen the n'Kylbar themselves and their associates use it that way so it stuck. Similarly has been often used for n'Lochli and n'Rotri. You're free to nuh'huh(bar) them though!
  • LavinyaLavinya Queen of Snark AustraliaMember Posts: 3,479 Transcendent
    I always shy away from using either (though an n'Kylbar is how I would put it) by saying something like 'she was born to/of/in the n'Kylbar' over 'she is an/a n'Kylbar'.



  • PortiusPortius Likes big books, cannot lie Member Posts: 1,653 Transcendent
    I always took all of those to be attached articles, such that the correct form would be "is n'Kylbar." My mind is blown.
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  • DaraiusDaraius Shevat The juror's taco spotMember Posts: 4,770 Transcendent
    In my real life, I've only known people with the letter-apostrophe-surname construction to pronounce the letter name of that initial letter, rather than the sound it makes. But truth be told, I've only known one family with a name like that. They pronounced d'Agostino as dee-Agostino, which may or may not be how their Italian predecessors said it.
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  • ZittoZitto Member Posts: 378 Fabled
    Daraius said:

    In my real life, I've only known people with the letter-apostrophe-surname construction to pronounce the letter name of that initial letter, rather than the sound it makes. But truth be told, I've only known one family with a name like that. They pronounced d'Agostino as dee-Agostino, which may or may not be how their Italian predecessors said it.

    My understanding of this from my own relatives is that Italian names with a d' prefix is that they are attachments of 'di', which means 'of', as Portius suggests, and that the pronunciation of the prefix as 'dee' is simply consistent with the unattached preposition.
  • KalnidKalnid Member Posts: 560 Fabled
    Followup thought: does that mean you'd pronounce it ed murani?
  • LavinyaLavinya Queen of Snark AustraliaMember Posts: 3,479 Transcendent
    Kalnid said:

    Followup thought: does that mean you'd pronounce it ed murani?

    Actually no. I pronounce it DEE Murani. And EN Kylbar. and EYE Xiia. I say the letter, not the sound. Which is probably why I think of it the way I do. I don't think either way could be expressly considered correct or wrong in the context of the game, really.



  • ShaddusShaddus , the Leper Messiah Outside your window.Member Posts: 8,206 Transcendent
    The story needs more hunny.
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  • LuceLuce Fox Populi Member Posts: 2,561 Transcendent
    I always think-pronounced them as 'EE- -call-EE-ath', 'duh- -murr-ah-NEE', and 'KNEE- -kill-bar'. Oh, and just because we're throwing out extra names with glottal stops, 'EE-sov- -rye', and 'IX- -EE-ah', and 'du- -sahnt'
  • SteingrimSteingrim Member Posts: 1,145 Mythical
    Drocilla said:

    2) "This was a dangerous handicap for him because even if he was an n’Kylbar" - just snip 'an' to 'a'.

    The way we pronounce n'Kylbar actually demands the "an". Think of the 'n' as 'en' in 'enemy'.
    I thought it was more so as in 'neener neener'?
    You tell Wyrden Ravager Tarken, "Come to Gaudiguch. I'll give you the title of Grand Moth."
    Eyes peering skywards as he thinks, Ironbeard the Magnanimous says to Sksez, "Welll, on my gooD lis *hic* t, we have....Stei *hic* ng *hic* rim.U..Xypherv....Luu *hic* hghaigh *hic* hhe....Breandryn....."
  • WinnaeWinnae Member Posts: 33 Novice

    I love it. LOVE IT. Please, write more. Write all the time. Do nothing but write.

    Two small things for your benefit, though:
    1) "Winnae’s ability to secretly tale Orthros had only worked for so long." - homonomnomophone, use 'tail' instead.
    2) "This was a dangerous handicap for him because even if he was an n’Kylbar" - just snip 'an' to 'a'.

    Thanks and good finds! I'm not sure what to do about the n'Kylbar since everyone is saying it differently.  I've always said "en-Kill-bar" and "dee-mur-an-ee" myself.

    I was originally going for a Game of Thrones like thing with the nobility elements, but since they're kids, it turned into a bunch of kids trying to play game of thrones which was pretty fun to write. :D
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