'Again.'

Lief

Full log: 'Again'.

In which there is joy and excitement and deep, abiding sorrow, as there always is between best frenemies Lief and @Gurashi.

You have emoted: Lief uncrumples the hand towel she'd used to dry herself and carefully folds it on the bench next to her, keeping her musician's fingers busy. She smiles again, deeper, and she says, "I've missed spending time like this with you, Gurashi. You look different nearly every time I see you, and you had me worried earlier - but even if I worry still, I'm filled with so much joy regardless."

Softly, to herself, you say, "That must be selfish of me, to feel happy despite your troubles..."

A passing breeze causes the flame within a delicate glass lantern to flicker, innumerable tiny flowers suddenly painting the surroundings in a colorful wash of pale blues and violets.

Gurashi shakes their head, gazing morosely at the cover, their tail no longer wagging. They lift the quill as if to write but find no words, glancing at the piano, then up at you again. Finally, they scribble something new, setting the notepad on the bench beside the faeling, letting their head droop until their horn presses into the bench, keeping their head aloft: 'are too many things and not enough times but i you and am so very glad you are back - also you should probably go. not safe to be around me for little while'. They stare at their words, then quickly add 'again' at the end of their sentence.

Gurashi

Coraline

Such a cute log! And Gurashi's manse is so beautiful!

Lief

So, after @Gurashi exiled Lief from seeing them for six whole months, Lief coped by writing them a letter every. Single. Month.

Hats off for the heroic owls of Serenwilde, flying where no owl should have to fly in order to deliver Lief's letters.

Month One:

                                                                      

You read what is written on serene stationery of pollen and bees:

Dear Gurashi,

It's Tzarin now, and the summer heat has finally begun to relent. I'm not sure how it feels in your home, but here in Serenwilde, Dvarsh in particular can be excruciatingly humid and hot. But the flowers that grow during this time are worth it - they're so pretty!

I remind myself that six months will pass as fleetingly as flowers blooming. I will see you again, soon - properly, anyway - but 

I'm still worried about you. [This is crossed out with two stern swipes of the quill.]

I fear you being alone with your Forest's Gods. [This is crossed out messily, though the loops in her penmanship are still legible to a careful eye.]

[The next attempt is blotted out completely.]

I'm still worried about you.

During the first week of Harvest, I will undergo something incredible. That's next month already! My Lady and I will create together, and I wish you could be there, too, although I know you couldn't, even if I were allowed to see you. After it is done, though, and when we can see each other again, I hope to show you the fruits of our labors - of Her gift to me.

I miss you.

LMS

Lief

Month Two:

You read what is written on serene stationery of pollen and bees:

Dear Gurashi,

I confess I am nervous this month, now that it is Klangiary. I know there is no cause for concern - my Lady loves me, and She will catch me whenever I should fall. I know She will follow me wherever I may go, even if I wander into the Void itself. There is nothing at all to fear with Her so near.

I think I fear the responsibility that comes with the task before me, though. My Lady is trusting *me*, of all people, of all of Her devout, to lead a sect of people and *teach* them strength. Me!

I began worshiping my Lady because I saw Her strength firsthand, and I wanted to be strong like Her. I wanted to learn how to be true to myself, but not like a rock. Like a tree. I'm not as strong as I need to be yet - not even close - but I *am* strong. I'm not ashamed to know it.

I've been spending nearly every waking moment leading up to this rite reflecting upon that - upon the path my wings have flown me down, about my journey from sapling to tree. About how I have flowered, and the fruits my actions have borne. I've been thinking about all that I've learned, all the friends I have made and lost, my very dearest sister Elexia, the hopes I've cultivated, the dreams I've had, and the ones I nurture, and the ones I've let go.

I've been thinking about forgiveness, too. Do you remember when we met, after you helped Shashi's murder? Do you remember how I said I would never forgive you?

I have been thinking about that a lot. And while the pain still burns fresh in my heart whenever my thoughts touch upon him, I've realized something.

There are many I will not forgive. But I do forgive you.

LMS

Lief

Month Three wasn't a letter, but an origami with a painting inside. She didn't have the words to talk, and so she painted them instead!

a painting of an Unbroken spirit

This is a painting done in three separate, hinged panels, each detailed and complete enough to stand on its own. All three together as a triptych tell a story of darkness and light, of shadow and color, and the middle bears a gilded title plaque upon the bottom center declaring its name: 'Unbroken'.

The first panel is deceptively simple at a glance. Oil brushwork manipulates color to severe and tortured effect, the darkness at the edges bleeding into the central focal point. There, brilliant colors fight against the shadow, a peacock in stunning, iridescent midnight blue haloed by white roses growing from a bush behind him. Though he sits upright, with his neck bowed and his head craned to face the central panel, his eyes are closed. On close inspection, the dark lines streaking down his avian cheeks are not natural markings, nor are they tears, but they are, instead, streaks damp with blood.

Fastened to the right hinge, the third panel depicts a scene tense and fraught, though nothing immediately appears wrong. Twisting ravenwood trees, lovely in their own right, crowd around a clearing where many indistinct figures recline. Some are vaguely defined by their shapes: there are at least one kepheran and a tae'dae, and perhaps a few elfen as well, but many are faeling of different sizes and wing shapes - and one has something off about them in particular, a distortion to their shape, a fuzziness to the black hue, that makes them not belong. Though these mortals are ill-defined and indistinct in this heart of shadow, the central figures of this painting are most certainly not. A visage immediately identifiable as the devastatingly beautiful, hauntingly countenanced Goddess Viravain stands brightest, Her bone-white hair a corona about Her face and body. Something alien and intelligent has been captured in Her bewitching blue eyes, twinkling with proud laughter. She wields a wickedly curved scythe, a reaper's tool, standing next to a figure much Her opposite, a being whose very garb pulls pleadingly at Him to rejoin the shadows. It is the God Nocht - and despite a glimpse of skin that looks unhealthy and gray, brush strokes imply, rather than define, something likewise handsome in His bearing. A captivatingly radiant peacock's feather is affixed to His clothing, the eye a brilliant, gleaming gold. Though the feather itself is sightless, the God's own piercing eyes, ethereal blue within starbursts of similar gold, look not at the gathering but at the painting's viewer, ever watchful.

Flanked by images of sorrow and fear, the middle panel is twice the size of the other two, and somehow twice as glorious. This painting is the rising sun cutting through the darkness, life itself in so many triumphant, breathtaking hues, all touched by a glimmering golden glow.

In this frame, people of different shards gather beneath an old apple tree heavy with ripened fruit. The earth itself is dusted with pale pink flower petals nearly white as snow, a soft and fragrant cushion for everyone to lounge upon. Some individuals are immediately identifiable as Mayflowers by a crystal bindi upon their brow or a glimmer of prismatic color in their eyes. Some are not: there is an elfen, dreamily gazing at - or perhaps past? - a dark-carapaced kephera with sunset orange markings, while this kephera sets out delicious-looking food for the others. An affable, dark-furred tae'dae sits beside a mouse-kin who grasps his tail as he gazes up at his companion, immense affection reflected in his eyes. Further part of this circle, a human in a striking apple-shaped fascinator sits beside a hovering faeling with a pot of something all the others steadfastly refuse, and still others more have been painted here, flatteringly and with fondness. Gazing upon them all in the background is the Goddess Maylea, Her every contour and color recreated with utter devotion and obvious love. Chestnut and blue hair caught in a passing breeze, She stands in the shade of the apple tree with Her bow Pathfinder in hand, a protective, benevolent presence. Beside Her hovers a faeling with antlers and an artfully-crafted autumnal kimono, a particularly vivid pattern of apple blossoms glimpsed upon her olive skin at her neckline.

Lief

Month Four, back to letters.

You read what is written on rustic stationery bordered with apple branches:

Dear Gurashi,

Do you remember a very, very long time ago, when I felt haunted by Nocht and - despite everything - you were the one person I could talk to? I do. I remember you commenting that it sounded exhausting to have such Divine worries, and yet, quickly it seemed to me, you began to draw attention, too.

I hope it isn't my fault that you did. I hope that maybe - just maybe - They were watching you before. That He was watching you, and it wasn't my fault.

Is He watching you now? Is that why you are pushing me away? I know there is so much going on in your head, and in your heart, and maybe you don't have the words to begin to tell me about it, especially if you are scared that He or Anyone is watching. I know you are protecting me from - from Someone. I know how He can creep inside your heart and fill a person with fear.

I know. I feel such fear deep in my bones when I see Him. Such overwhelming fear that I can't move, that I cannot act with intention - that I must give way to instinct lest I die.

It's not quite so bad when it's just His voice. I imagine you see Him much more than I do, but His voice is bearable, and I can feel powerful enough to speak to Him with honesty. There is such power in honesty. How can He hurt us if we already know all the deep dark secrets of ours that He can see?

I don't know if any of this makes sense, or if it helps. I don't know what you go through, save that you are trying to protect me. I know you well enough, too, to know that you won't accept my reassurances that my Lady will protect me, which She does. I am Her Unbroken Lief, and She is my Goddess.

I am protected. I am loved. I am safe. If you ever feel you can tell me what lurks within your heart, I will shelter it as I do my very own. Your secrets would be safe with me, and, maybe, we could figure this out together.

LMS

Lief

Month Five:

You read what is written on rustic stationery bordered with apple branches:

Dear Gurashi,

Some very good friends and I played a game the other month. "Two truths and a lie," one called it, though I wish it had been "Two lies and a truth".

It made me realize I'm not very good at playing games, at least not those that should be light-hearted. I don't think that's wrong, but I do mourn things I have lost, especially when I cannot remember the moment of loss. When, exactly, did I become so very serious? Was I always this way?

Anyway, it was a difficult game. I could not lie very well because I realized I am not willing to share so many of my innermost Truths, and I cannot think of my Truths without that capital-T. They already knew everything about me that I'm willing to share.

But! That's okay, too, isn't it? It's okay to hide things, if they are yours to hide? To share when you are ready to share, if you are ready to share?

What's most important, I think, is remembering to let others support you when you need support. To let them hold you up if you will otherwise collapse. After all, no tree can withstand a storm without soil to root themselves in and sunlight to look forward to when it finally ends.

And Gurashi, there will be sunlight for you again.

LMS

Lief

Month Six:

You read what is written on rustic stationery bordered with apple branches:

Gurashi,

I miss you.

LMS

Rustic stationery bordered with apple branches is holding:
###### a little apple blossom cake

---------------------------------------------------

This cake is tiny, just barely large enough to host the single sugared apple blossom perched upon its very center, blushing pink and likewise perfectly intact. Marbled buttercream frosting blankets the surface of the pastry itself, a dreamy haze of even paler pinks swirling into white like flower petals eddying on a lush springtime breeze. All told, this dainty confection could probably be consumed in two or three bites. Piped on it are the words:
Bend, but do not break.

Coraline

So I should start ignoring Lief so I can get cool letters and presents!

Lief

Coraline said:

So I should start ignoring Lief so I can get cool letters and presents!

You just have to make it really obvious. "WE CANNOT TALK FOR SIX MONTHS." She'll be oblivious if you don't tell her she's not allowed to see you.

Coraline

Lief said:

Coraline said:

So I should start ignoring Lief so I can get cool letters and presents!

You just have to make it really obvious. "WE CANNOT TALK FOR SIX MONTHS." She'll be oblivious if you don't tell her she's not allowed to see you.

Gurashi