Me. Who I am and who I am not.

So, I'm about to share something with you all that only a select few know. Most of you will sympathise, some will laugh and a few may even make jokes. Whatever path you take, that's up to you and is a direct reflection on the kind of person you are.

So... At the age of fourteen, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After numerous admissions to hospital against my will and a few years later, I had a new label put on me: Schizoaffective disorder. Now, I'm neither of the above. While I do experience times of severe depression and low moods coupled with paranoia and unwarranted delusions, I don't actually fit into any of these boxes. I'm inbetween and that's a problem for me. At times, the hallucinations are tolerable and I'm fully aware that what I am hearing and seeing is false. I like to think that I'm very in touch with my illness, though I'm told by those close to me that is not the case a lot of the time. I'll freely admit right now that there has been times when I have been playing Lusternia that I actually was holding that mandolin in my hands and that magical fire seeped from it. Othertimes, I'll be fighting and see a tumble and I'll be looking over the top of my workstation, random object in my hand, waiting to bash you on the head and wind up destroying x, y or z.

Times come, now and again where people say things and I'll take it completely personally and see it as a direct attack on my person. Some of you may have experienced me act completely out-of-character (for me, personally, not any role I play in game). Know this: IT'S NOT ME. It's easy to determine what personality I am currently in by asking how old I am. My real age is 40, but at times, I'm 19 and others, I'm 26. My 19 year old is extremely immature and rash. At 26, I think things through overly and act very maturely. The 26 year old is my coder self. (I can't code a single bit 95% of the time. I just end up staring at the monitor thinking what to do).

I felt I had to share this with you all to help people understand why I act the way I do from time to time. You should never take it personally if I respond in a certain way. Best is to just completely ignore it and pretend to be AFK, or something.

To further quell any speculation and jokes on the part of some... Yes, I'm the player behind both Draylor and Caerlyr which might help to further reinforce the above.

If you've any questions, please feel free to comment and I'll do my best to address each in turn. For now, Taer is set for retirement. Whether I'll actually go through with it remains to be seen. I have yet to respond to the email.

Finally, if I have annoyed, hurt, pissed you off, etc, in any way over the years, know that I am truly sorry and that it is not a way I would usually act.

With that, I'm done. Happy bashing each others heads in.

Discord: Pharanyx#4357


  • Taer said:
    For now, Taer is set for retirement. 
    After I made that mount?!

    Discord:    Rey#1460
  • Hey @Taer - I'm Moirean from Aetolia. I know you were around there a bit and maybe you know how controversial I was. If you don't, just take my word for it. I've found some great treatment (cognitive psch, for me) and I feel like a completely different person, so I 100% believe in second chances and in people having space to try again. Don't give up.
  • Just to kinda repeat what I said in the clan; you've been pretty nice here to me at least and its been nice chatting with you. If certain individuals are getting to you snub them. 

    If you really want to quit do whats best for you but you may want to hold off on the retirement, its a big thing to do character wise and actual £money wise, if you really want to quit just maybe take a little break first and see. You can always retire at a later date when your sure its something you want to do. Theres just a few folks I know who regretted retirement but at the end of the day do what works for you.
  • You're an awesome guy, @Taer. Thanks for all the help over time and being fun to play with. If you're really set in leaving then it's a sad day, but I do hope you stay.
     "Oh the year was 453CE, how I wish I was in Serenwilde now... aletter of marque come from the regent to the scummiest aethership I ever seen, gods damn them all...I was told we'd cruise the void for auronidion and dust, we'd fire no turrets, shed no tears.. now I'm a broken man on a Hallifax tier, the last of Saz's privateers."

  • KarlachKarlach God of Kittens.
    Goddamnit Martin, I was actually enjoying PK against you again, don't retire.

    Just take a break, clear your head and come back when you feel you're ready.

    The divine voice of Avechna, the Avenger reverberates powerfully, "Congratulations, Morkarion, you are the Bringer of Death indeed."

    You see Estarra the Eternal shout, "Morkarion is no more! Mourn the mortal! But welcome True Ascendant Karlach, of the Realm of Death!

  • edited March 2017
    @Shaddus: I'm about. Email me and I'll see what I can do.

    @Breandryn: Oh, yes. I heard. You had it rough. Had no idea it was you. Last we spoke, you said you'd never play here again. Remember the lusternia rap? :D

    @Fyler: Thanks, man. Love you loads. Always have.

    @Lavinya, @Veyils, @Saz: Appreciated, thanks.

    @Karlach: Me too, dude. Me too :(
    Discord: Pharanyx#4357
  • Well, if you are who I think you are, take care of yourself and do what you need to do for yourself. It's sad if you feel that is leaving the game, but sometimes it is very necessary for mental and emotional health. I wish you all the best in your life.

    Avurekhos says, "Dylara's a PvP menace in my eyes, totes rekting face."

    The eye of Dylara materialises in your hands and flings itself around your neck, tightening incomprehensibly until it is irremovable.
    Perfectly clean, this eyeball has been wrenched from the socket of Dylara. It has been animated by some unusual force, constantly looking around itself as if in shock or fear. It is bathed in a light covering of white flames that roll endlessly over its surface. A single chain of empyreal metal pierces either side of the eye, allowing it to be worn around the neck.

  • @Taer - Lusternia isn't so terrible when your options are limited.
  • I don't need to repeat myself. And you know I <3 you, and I would be upset to lose your presence in game. 

    Just think about it. 
  • @Taer - Though we don't know each other well, I've RP'd with you in the past, and want to let you know that you are an amazing person, and brave for sharing this with us. Please don't retire!
    Her storm-coloured eyes a muted blue, Lisaera, the Silver Goddess says, "Only sorrow can come from a rotting thought, My child, just like roots that have been drowned. You are a paragon of the wisdom I would see spread throughout the Serenwilde, but even the strongest minds must find release."
    A shimmering liquid appears in your inventory smelling sweetly of something carbonated. It vanishes in a puff of silver smoke seconds later.
    I write things
  • Thanks, everyone. Just to keep you all updated, I'm headed into hospital for a week. I'm okay, the doctors just want to reassess me. (Something they do from time to time depending on what I/people tell them).

    If you'd like to contact me, Veyils and Ryboi have my mobile number.

    Chat soon!
    Discord: Pharanyx#4357
  • SelenitySelenity My first MC to stay in Serenwilde
    Taer said:
    Thanks, everyone. Just to keep you all updated, I'm headed into hospital for a week. I'm okay, the doctors just want to reassess me. (Something they do from time to time depending on what I/people tell them).

    If you'd like to contact me, Veyils and Ryboi have my mobile number.

    Chat soon!
    Good luck at the hospital! We're all hoping to hear from you again after you're out!
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