Had a conversation with my hubby over the weekend where I was forced to admit to him that I'm having doubts about the marriage. Had a realization only shortly beforehand that his OCD wasn't becoming disruptive, it had started that way. He was content to let it simmer because while I was under the impression at the outset that he was going to work to get it under control he thought that a lack of panic attacks was a sign that it was already under control, ignoring the fact that he's bending over backwards to avoid anything that even remotely starts to think about being able to potentially set him off.
Shoes off at the door, disinfectant sprayed any time someone comes in or goes past the WC or trash bin, a full freaking shower any time either of us needs to make contact with the commode for more than just lifting/lowering the seat and flushing or if we spend time around people who don't follow his guidelines of cleanliness (including, but not limited to: his parents, my family's places, his sister's house, restaurants, bars, parks, bowling alleys, movie theatres, friend's houses, airports, or stores. (basically everywhere but my workplace, sometimes)), going through a bar of soap every 2-4 days even without that being an issue, and much more, all for the low, low price of our sanity.
^Spoilered for sanitary reasons.^
What I didn't tell him is that the infrequency with which we do marital things is one of the factors that's having a heavy effect on my self-worth, and that I basically stopped trying to initiate because almost every time I did so, it was either "I'm not in the mood right now." or "We can do that later." ad infinitum. I've caught my sense of humor darkening and turning inward, and I've noticed I'm becoming more and more jaded with the whole thing.
He promised to work on the stuff I mentioned to him, but...I don't know how much to trust that, and I don't know how much a sincere effort will improve.
It's also frustrating me just how much I end up whining and venting to folks, and worry that I'm coming off as a Debbie Downer, attention whore, and/or wet blanket. Frankly, I feel like I'm abusing my friendships and using my friends as therapists, which makes me feel like I'm trying to foist my problems off on other people, which trips my whole self-loathing-death-spiral.
In all honesty, I think you need a third perspective. Have you considered getting some outside help? Maybe take him to see a Doctor, have some therapy together? Or even a family intervention? I know it's easier said than done, and it's a very hard subject to broach, but it's your marriage, and worth fighting for. You just have to exhaust all of those avenues.
You're only one person at the end of the day, and it doesn't matter how experienced we are, we generally can't fix ourselves, because we need the valuable opinion and advice of someone watching from the outside?
It's good to get a different perspective on things. I know from my own marriage- Marriages are never black and white, and they aren't always about the good times, but it's getting through those extremely difficult ones which can sometimes make the foundations stronger..even if it means asking for professional/medical help.
Moon Priestess Ridien says, "The blood of an animal, however, can also be a tool. Consider fetishes -
- efficient, powerful tools created by ecologists. It is exactly as Kendra says -- a tool of bones
and blood that has been magnified, changed, enchanted. Made into a tool."
He's been seeing someone who prescribes and adjusts his anti-anxiety meds, but that tends to be once every six months for about half an hour (plus follow-up calls when he's feeling like the meds aren't helping). We need to make time for an appointment with a therapist, probably, but I don't know when we could. We're both really busy and don't have a lot of 'down' time, especially with us moving and planning a ceremony.
We start moving on Friday though, and hopefully after that we can start dealing with both the ceremony and the other important stuff we've had simmering on the back burner.
There's this guy who was part of the cinema shadow cast I go to see and at a recent con he got someone drunk enough that she collapsed on the front lawn of the hotel, started kicking and screaming, and claimed she couldn't see because she was literally so drunk she didn't know eyelids were a thing. She was 15.
He showed up at a party I was at tonight, and I had to spend the entire time trying not to punch him in the dick so hard his testicles explode all while he kept talking about his many sexual conquests. No. No.
Can't you report him or anything, she was a minor and he was definitely endangering/corrupting her? Unless you're in a place/country where drinking age was below 21?
I'm a consent-based roleplayer! Kindly ask first, and I will return the favour. Open to developing tinyplots. Atlantis is my client of choice! (Guide)
0
SylandraJoin Queue for Mafia GamesThe Last Mafia Game
He's been seeing someone who prescribes and adjusts his anti-anxiety meds, but that tends to be once every six months for about half an hour (plus follow-up calls when he's feeling like the meds aren't helping). We need to make time for an appointment with a therapist, probably, but I don't know when we could. We're both really busy and don't have a lot of 'down' time, especially with us moving and planning a ceremony.
We start moving on Friday though, and hopefully after that we can start dealing with both the ceremony and the other important stuff we've had simmering on the back burner.
Moving is literally one of the most stressful things you can do, apropos of nothing else. I'll reiterate what everyone else has said and let you know I'm hoping for the best for you and your partner. What you're going through is something that takes a lot of emotional energy. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling drained, or for needing to ask more from people than you're used to. You're in a situation that demands a lot from you. I hope that situation improves, lowering your stress with it.
"Oh yeah, you're a naughty mayor, aren't you? Misfile that Form MA631-D. Comptroller Shevat's got a nice gemstone disc for you, but yer gonna have to beg for it."
This last year, it just never seems to stop handing out the punches and kicking me back down. It seemed like things were going better, my injuries were healing, I got a new job, things were getting easier. And then on the 11th I got in that stupid accident, I was lucky it seemed, no broken bones but I was in so much pain and felt so I'll. My return to work a couple days later was painful, my doctor decided I needed to spend at least the rest of the week off, which is unpaid because I'm on contract. I had to deal with the transit organization that I was riding on when the accident happened, had to return to physio, I don't feel comfortable getting on buses, I still have bruises and my arm and knee still hurt. This morning I was allowed to go back in the field, and overheard two coworkers talking about me, to which one came up and told me now HR is going to be investigating, I'm still in probation and extremely worried.
Sorry for this, feel free to ignore but I needed to just get it off my chest.
Avurekhos says, "Dylara's a PvP menace in my eyes, totes rekting face."
The eye of Dylara materialises in your hands and flings itself around your neck, tightening incomprehensibly until it is irremovable. Perfectly clean, this eyeball has been wrenched from the socket of Dylara. It has been animated by some unusual force, constantly looking around itself as if in shock or fear. It is bathed in a light covering of white flames that roll endlessly over its surface. A single chain of empyreal metal pierces either side of the eye, allowing it to be worn around the neck.
@Dylara Rough patches can seem like they'll go on forever. Universe knows I've been through my share. The good thing is that they eventually end; just try to keep a positive attitude, and remember that you're strong enough to get through whatever life throws at you. Keep looking forward, girl!
Tonight amidst the mountaintops And endless starless night Singing how the wind was lost Before an earthly flight
My dog died. i'm fairly certain that 80% of that was entirely preventable had I been dutiful and on the ball. my ham-fisted attempts at nursing likely didn't help. I will not be getting another.
------------------------ To the person wh gave me helpful first aid advice for my dog and who took the time to answer my questions properly. Thank you.
Considerations are, in order, making sure procedures and meds for any conditions you have already are covered, followed by balancing premiums against copay deductible and how much you expect to pay for healthcare. Find the sweet spot for you, and take advantage of any HSA/FSA your company offers. Alternately, if you weren't wanting to decide on a plan and instead were trying to navigate the approval labyrinth, I wish you luck.
This morning my dad texted me to ask when I was free tomorrow so he could make reservations somewhere because, surprise, they're going to be in town for a few days.
Then later he calls so he and mom can take me to get lunch. Tell them I need to go to work soon, but they insist and say they'll drive me to work and fit my bike in too.
On the way to work trying to find out where and when we're eating tomorrow and they spend awhile talking about what we're eating before mentioning that they're actually just going to eat at my sister's and pick up the from the store.
This part is mostly on me, but I'm not just going to go to my sister's for thanksgiving with family and not bring some food myself. So now I spent my break figuring out what to make and getting the ingredients, and will probably be up half the night preparing ingredients to cook in the morning. But the store is out of croutons for stuffing ao now I also have to make those myself to because I didn't have the time to decide on something else to make.
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SylandraJoin Queue for Mafia GamesThe Last Mafia Game
I highly suspect I am going to be the only person of my political affiliation in my family tomorrow for the holidays. The only relative I can bank on being on my side is on the other side of the world right now.
"Oh yeah, you're a naughty mayor, aren't you? Misfile that Form MA631-D. Comptroller Shevat's got a nice gemstone disc for you, but yer gonna have to beg for it."
I highly suspect I am going to be the only person of my political affiliation in my family tomorrow for the holidays. The only relative I can bank on being on my side is on the other side of the world right now.
Time to do whatever you can to avoid the subject. Use fantasy football as a diversion. Have food in your mouth at all times. Or just request that the conversation stays away from politics, should it come up. My father and I have an agreement that we will never talk about politics around each other, because we very strongly disagree on basically everything and would prefer to not resent each other for it. Works pretty well for us, at least.
My family is pretty evenly split with very vocal individuals on both sides. We agreed not to speak a word of politics all day. Praying all parties uphold the truce.
"Oh yeah, you're a naughty mayor, aren't you? Misfile that Form MA631-D. Comptroller Shevat's got a nice gemstone disc for you, but yer gonna have to beg for it."
Clearly you must threaten a Hillarihad. If Politics comes up you will build a wall around the pie and make the potatoes pay for it.
EDIT:
I actually uninvited myself from Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family because they're still full steam ahead on the politics front and can't negotiate a ceasefire.
@lehki, this is why you always keep crushed pineapple and pistachio pudding on hand. mix in cool whip and cottage cheese and you're good to go!
Now, for my dissatisfaction... It's too vast and great to put succinctly. But had to go to town today anyway, so figured I'd get some shopping in. It's also the day before thansgiving, day after a biopsy, and I have a new prescription. So... shopping, holidays, health system... bad bad bad plan to do all of those in one day.
I'll be at my crazy racist grandmother's cat pee-scented house all day. We never do Thanksgiving with my cool grandma, only the one who worships Rush Limbaugh and steals other people's cats and gets them put to sleep. My usual strategy is to eat as much food as possible and then hide in the other room and take a nap while everyone else watches football. Aren't family gatherings grand?
the real issue is having to take home leftover pumpkin pie, because my cousin always gets these huge costco ones and I can't stand pumpkin pie. But I asked to be in charge of bringing pies t his year so I solved that issue
Staying a time my g-ma's tonight to help with the meal, and minutes before trying to go to bed discover her cat's leg is horrifically swollen with blood and pus, and he looks like he's lost half his body weight. And of course the vet is closed tomorrow. And my vocal cords seem to be shutting down.
But on the bright side, the desserts are immaculate.
I'll be at my crazy racist grandmother's cat pee-scented house all day. We never do Thanksgiving with my cool grandma, only the one who worships Rush Limbaugh and steals other people's cats and gets them put to sleep. My usual strategy is to eat as much food as possible and then hide in the other room and take a nap while everyone else watches football. Aren't family gatherings grand?
I'll be at my crazy racist grandmother's cat pee-scented house all day. We never do Thanksgiving with my cool grandma, only the one who worships Rush Limbaugh and steals other people's cats and gets them put to sleep. My usual strategy is to eat as much food as possible and then hide in the other room and take a nap while everyone else watches football. Aren't family gatherings grand?
You should go in and dazzle them all with your knowledge gained from dominating fantasy football this year. Then when they sit there in stunned silence, afford yourself a smug grin as if nothing unusual happened.
The divine voice
of Avechna, the Avenger reverberates powerfully, "Congratulations,
Morkarion, you are the Bringer of Death indeed."
You see Estarra the Eternal shout, "Morkarion is no more! Mourn the mortal! But welcome True Ascendant Karlach, of the Realm of Death!
Having some really stupid internet issues the past 24 hours, lost connection again today mid larva bashing and had to log in on my phone and stay alive till someone could get me out. Cheers @Veyils for the hero summon.
The divine voice
of Avechna, the Avenger reverberates powerfully, "Congratulations,
Morkarion, you are the Bringer of Death indeed."
You see Estarra the Eternal shout, "Morkarion is no more! Mourn the mortal! But welcome True Ascendant Karlach, of the Realm of Death!
I'll be at my crazy racist grandmother's cat pee-scented house all day. We never do Thanksgiving with my cool grandma, only the one who worships Rush Limbaugh and steals other people's cats and gets them put to sleep. My usual strategy is to eat as much food as possible and then hide in the other room and take a nap while everyone else watches football. Aren't family gatherings grand?
Why don't you go to your cool G-ma's instead?
Because nobody else in our extended family gives crazy grandma the time of day anymore, so my mom feels bad, thus we're dragged along to suffer through holidays with her. I get that it's a nice thing to do, but, oh my god. There's a reason everyone else avoids her. My mother is the only one of her children that still talks to her. She is exceptionally difficult to tolerate. Sorry if this sounds mean, but she's an awful person, and there's not really any sugarcoating it.
1
SylandraJoin Queue for Mafia GamesThe Last Mafia Game
"Oh yeah, you're a naughty mayor, aren't you? Misfile that Form MA631-D. Comptroller Shevat's got a nice gemstone disc for you, but yer gonna have to beg for it."
The things I do for love of Fanfiction. I just had to A) go find a list of countries/regions ending in '-os', 2) Narrow that down to French-speaking areas, C) finagle with Google Translate to get it to display something close to what I needed, all in order to determine that the French word for "Kalosian" is probably "Kalosienne" as relating to the language. And I'm going to use that word all of once in the entire exchange.
When I am at work, Lusternia-type creative strokes hit me, and I get the urge to write, develop new ideas, work on guild administrative things, etc... but as soon as I get home (and thus have the opportunity to do the aforementioned), I feel so drained that I I all but zone out as soon as I log in, and nothing gets done. The woes of working in a mentally-draining occupation.
Tonight amidst the mountaintops And endless starless night Singing how the wind was lost Before an earthly flight
Comments
You're only one person at the end of the day, and it doesn't matter how experienced we are, we generally can't fix ourselves, because we need the valuable opinion and advice of someone watching from the outside?
It's good to get a different perspective on things. I know from my own marriage- Marriages are never black and white, and they aren't always about the good times, but it's getting through those extremely difficult ones which can sometimes make the foundations stronger..even if it means asking for professional/medical help.
We start moving on Friday though, and hopefully after that we can start dealing with both the ceremony and the other important stuff we've had simmering on the back burner.
I'm a consent-based roleplayer! Kindly ask first, and I will return the favour. Open to developing tinyplots.
Atlantis is my client of choice! (Guide)
Sorry for this, feel free to ignore but I needed to just get it off my chest.
The eye of Dylara materialises in your hands and flings itself around your neck, tightening incomprehensibly until it is irremovable.
Perfectly clean, this eyeball has been wrenched from the socket of Dylara. It has been animated by some unusual force, constantly looking around itself as if in shock or fear. It is bathed in a light covering of white flames that roll endlessly over its surface. A single chain of empyreal metal pierces either side of the eye, allowing it to be worn around the neck.
Rough patches can seem like they'll go on forever. Universe knows I've been through my share. The good thing is that they eventually end; just try to keep a positive attitude, and remember that you're strong enough to get through whatever life throws at you. Keep looking forward, girl!
Tonight amidst the mountaintops
And endless starless night
Singing how the wind was lost
Before an earthly flight
------------------------
To the person wh gave me helpful first aid advice for my dog and who took the time to answer my questions properly. Thank you.
Estarra the Eternal says, "Give Shevat the floor please."
EDIT:
I actually uninvited myself from Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family because they're still full steam ahead on the politics front and can't negotiate a ceasefire.
Now, for my dissatisfaction... It's too vast and great to put succinctly. But had to go to town today anyway, so figured I'd get some shopping in. It's also the day before thansgiving, day after a biopsy, and I have a new prescription. So... shopping, holidays, health system... bad bad bad plan to do all of those in one day.
But on the bright side, the desserts are immaculate.
Estarra the Eternal says, "Give Shevat the floor please."
The divine voice of Avechna, the Avenger reverberates powerfully, "Congratulations, Morkarion, you are the Bringer of Death indeed."
You see Estarra the Eternal shout, "Morkarion is no more! Mourn the mortal! But welcome True Ascendant Karlach, of the Realm of Death!
The divine voice of Avechna, the Avenger reverberates powerfully, "Congratulations, Morkarion, you are the Bringer of Death indeed."
You see Estarra the Eternal shout, "Morkarion is no more! Mourn the mortal! But welcome True Ascendant Karlach, of the Realm of Death!
Tonight amidst the mountaintops
And endless starless night
Singing how the wind was lost
Before an earthly flight